Stay Strong

Galatians 6:9 NIV

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Last night I was blessed to spend with Easton and James. It brought me many smiles, but I also had moments where I just wanted to get out of this bed that I have been lying in for over 3 weeks and be mommy.

While James took a shower, Easton came to me and asked me to help him find a hotwheel he couldn't find. I just wanted to get on my knees with him and search with him. After he couldn't find it , he wanted to check on daddy in the shower. So he opened the bathroom door, then he decided to come back out, and as he was trying to close the door, he almost closed it on his tiny fingers. James and I frantic rose our voice and said stop worried he would get them caught. Easton then ran to the couch scared and cried. It broke my heart as all I wanted to do was walk to him, pick him up, hold him close, and give him a hug and kiss and tell him it was OK and that mommy loved him. Instead, I had to ly in bed and watch him cry and try all I could to comfort him with my words. It is the toughest thing to sit here and not be able to help your child and to not be able to just run to him with comfort. But I know he knows I love him and once daddy got out of shower he was happy again and came to me with a hug.

Easton was so excited to get the couch pulled out into a bed. He helped daddy and then as normal, crawled to the middle of it while daddy push the air button for the mattress to rise, which Easton thinks is the coolest thing. He then had daddy help him pick a kid movie to watch on the pad. Again, as Easton sat there so cute, I wanted to just go over by him, cuddle by him, and watch the dino movie with him. However, I reminded myself that I have to remain strong and remember this bedrest is just for a moment and is a blessing because God has given me this gift to help our miracle fight as He has a special plan for Asher. 

Yes, I couldn't be the mommy that I wanted to be to Easton, but Easton still knows I am his mommy and gives me hugs, kisses, and tells me the cutest things. So I still am being mommy to him while I am still a very blessed mommy laying in this bed to be the mommy I need to be for Asher. I kind of think of it as this.... James can be the best daddy to Easton and meet the needs I can't at the moment, while I can be the best mommy for Asher right now, and meet Asher's needs that James can't. But very soon, through God's beautiful grace, we will be able to be the greatest mommy and daddy to both Easton and Asher both being able to do all we can for them.

While I watched James and Easton sleep peacefully, I had the monitors put on. I then slept the best I could, and 15 min before I was to have a break from them, Asher moved so the nurse had to wake me up and it took her a while to find him. Another nurse came in and found him right away lol. The little mover had moved lower, so he was playing hide and seek lol. A couple hours later, I woke up to the feeling of wetness. I had leaked throughout my sleep to the point my underwear and gown were soaked along with a pad they had in my bed. It scared me, but a good sign was that it was clear fluid. They think with Asher moving lower in me and getting IV fluid at night, that it caused more to leak because my body can only hold so much. I had to wake up James to give me a new gown etc, but he didn't complain. He is always there to help me. I then got back on the monitor and was glad to hear Asher's strong heart beat reassuring me that all was okay.

As I tried to get more sleep, the next thing I knew was the lab lady came in. I was confused as I get labwork on Tuesdays and Fridays, so I asked if there was a reason. She said she didn't know but was doing her normal routine. So as she was sticking me, I just kept thinking this is really weird. So when my day nurse came in, I asked why I had my blood drawn again. She said the lady had her days mixed up and thought it was Tuesday. So I ended up getting stuck for no reason, but o well lol I have days just like that lady, do I just had to laugh. That little stick was no pain that I couldn't handle, I have become use to it. There are far worse pains out there than a little stick. 

James then left and took Easton to Carrie's  to play with her son Colton as James worked. I am so grateful that Carrie offered to help out. It was Easton's first time there, so James said he was a little bashful at first, but then he saw Colton, played, and was just fine. He does so well when it comes to new places, which is a blessing. I have attached some pics below of him having a good time. 😊 Carrie, you are a blessing! Thank you for giving him another fun adventure! It is truly appreciated!

Easton loved the blue truck!

Being Mr. Silly

Colton and Easton having fun 😊

So, yes I have moments like last night that I just want to get out of bed and be a mommy. Moments where I just want a full 8 hours of sleep, instead of a nap here and there. Moments where I wish I didn't have to get stuck with needles several times a week. But it has made me reflect back on God, Jesus, and Mary. 

When I just wanted to comfort Easton when his heart was hurt, I think of Mary how she had to see her son suffer and couldn't stop it. But she reminded herself it was God's will and part of his beautiful plan. I couldn't comfort Easton the way I wanted, but I reminded myself it is all part of God's beautiful plan for Asher and that means everything! I know Easton is grateful for me fighting for Asher so he can have a special little brother too. 

When I can't get sleep, I think about how blessed I am to have a bed and to be sleeping in shelter. I may not get the sleep I wish I could, but some of God's children aren't so fortunate and lack sleep day after day because they don't have a place to sleep or something comfortable to sleep on. Most importantly this lack of sleep is worth everything to keep Asher strong! 

I may get tired of getting poked by needles, but I remind myself this is nothing. There are others out there that have to go through blood work and far more painful treatments than just a little stick every few days. After all, how can I be scared and tired of a needle, when Jesus suffered for us by getting nailed on a Cross? This was nothing compared to the pain He suffered because He loved us that much. So, I can suffer a little here and there for Asher because I love him so much! 

A quote Alison shared with me this morning. Thank you Alison ... it meant a lot!

We will have times when we will wish we could be doing this or that or feel like our bumpy road is getting too bumpy, but we have to stop and remember we can get through. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. We are given bumpier moments for very special reasons.. it is these moments that give us time to build an even stronger relationship with God. It is these times that let us cherish each moment. It is these times that God makes us stronger and He guides us to His beautiful will. If life wasn't filled with ups and downs, we would forget the true meaning of life ... to keep God at the center of everything. 

Thank You God for keeping me strong even in the moments that get hard. You continue to hold Asher's hand and my hand through this fight and keep us full of trust and hope. You fill my life with only good things. I am so blessed to receive the  gift of this fight for Asher. I wouldn't change it for the world and am so blessed to be his and Easton's mommy! You are my rock and full of everlasting love. I place my full trust in You and love You above all things! Amen.

I love all of you so much! Your prayers mean the world to us, and especially little Asher! Thanks for keeping us strong every step of the way, even when times are a little more tough. Let us continue to fight for Asher along with God, Josh, and all of the Angels and Saints. Asher gets stronger each day. He is a miracle!! God along with the power of your thoughtful prayers do wonders!