I have always been one who enjoys time with God and my family and friends. However, like all of us, I have also been one that at times focused too much on wants and likes. Sometimes I would find myself on Pinterest during the evening just looking for the perfect something for the house. However, this journey has completely changed me and my outlook on life. What matters to me the most is staying close to God while surrounding myself with my family and close friends. I use to work hard to keep the house clean and organized. But the truth is, being a mom is more than that. If I would work hard each evening to make it perfect, I would lose the time to cuddle with those who I love. This journey has also taught me to not worry about making everything perfect, but to instead let go and just enjoy life and those around me. After all, its the relationships we form on Earth that will last forever, not a clean house, a new pair of shoes, or an amount of money.
This weekend, James and I got to share something so special that really put what I talked about above in perspective. As I posted in the last blog, I got to experience for the first time holding our little miracle from God above. Ever since that moment, my life has been forever changed. As I mentioned in the the last post, the experience is one that I can't even form words to describe. When you hold a miracle, your life is changed and God reminds you that it is this... the miracle of life.... that life is about. No one can offer you any amount of money to trade this moment for. In my arms, was my miracle boy breathing on my chest and grasping me with his tiny hands. It is showing him along with Easton, James, and my family how much I love them.... that is what life is about... and that is what true joy is. These moments will last forever in our hearts.
Saturday afternoon, James, Easton, and I entered the hospital, with James in a button down shirt in hopes of holding his warrior son. As James walked into the nicu, Easton and I walked to visit the nurses that took care of me for those 7 weeks of bed rest. I ended up finding a book that belonged to one of the nurses in one of my piles I finally sorted through, so I wanted to deliver it to the nurses to be sure she got it back. It was so nice talking with the 2 that were working along with Dr. Hill, who took care of me while Dr. Fitzpatrick was on vacation. Easton was also glad to see them, just as they were excited to see him again. After we visited with them for a while, we headed back to the lobby where we sat and Easton snacked on a cereal bar. We were planning on waiting there for a while since James would be holding him for a hour. However, James was walking toward us in disappointment. Due to a pic line being inserted in a baby, they had to shut down visiting time from the pod where Asher was. So, since he wouldn't have a full hour of time, he wasn't able to hold his miracle boy... something he longed for and looked forward to all day. However, I calmed him and reminded him that we would be back this evening and he could then hold him. He then looked forward to that special moment.
Later that evening, we returned to the hospital. I entered the nicu first to check on Asher and see how he was doing. He was doing a lot better due to having medicine to help get rid of fluid on his lungs. With Asher being a preemie with underdeveloped lungs, he gets fluid on the lungs quite easily unfortunately. With the medicine there to help him, his oxygen level went back in the 30 range compared to the 40 range it was at the day before. I got to give him a sponge bath for the first time. Being a mom, I was a little nervous and it took me a while as I was being "too" careful lol. James is better at it as he just does it without worrying. They then weighed him on the baby scale. He lost a little weight, but they said with him breathing and working harder on his own, it probably caused a slight dip in his weight. They were giving him 20 ccs of milk however, so he would get it back up.
After his bath and weight, I went to get James to tell him the good news. He was excited to hear that he was about to hold his little son for the first time. As he headed in, Easton slept on me out on a couch in the lobby. It was nice that he was napping as it gave me sometime to rest as well. The evenings are when the tiredness and soreness hits me, so being able to relax next to Easton was a beautiful blessing from God.
After a good half hour passed by, the nurse came out with our camera. They had took photos of James holding Asher and she knew that I would enjoy seeing them. She also informed me that Asher was so comfortable on his daddy and his oxygen levels were doing good. I was glad to hear that. I thanked her for going out of her way to bring me the camera, and then she headed back into the nicu. I turned on our camera and looked at the photos. Tears of great joy entered my eyes. Asher was indeed cozy against his daddy and his precious eyes were open, as to say, "Daddy, I don't want you to let go. I love you so much, and I love being in your arms. You are my hero Daddy." These photos will be forever cherished in our hearts.
After the hour was up, James walked out with a smile on his face. He didn't want to leave that recliner with Asher on his chest. He could have lied there all night with him. However, we had to get back home to get rest and to let Asher rest back in his bed too. He was just so grateful that God had blessed him with that special moment with his son, and he couldn't wait to share in that moment with him again. I then walked back into the nicu to tell my miracle son gnite and love you. Asher was all cozy in his bed as his daddy brought him great comfort that he enjoyed so much. What a special daddy son bonding moment it was to bring them both relaxation and joy!
When Sunday morning came, we woke up and got ready for Church. Again, I looked forward to going to Mass and praising God for all of his miraculous and beautiful works in my life. Being in His Church brings me so much peace and joy. I love singing praises to Him and listening to His Word. Easton made me smile as he kept telling us, "There is Fr. Ed! He play trucks with me at Hospital." Father Ed truly means a lot to me, and how beautiful of a blessing it is that my son has such a special connection with Fr. Ed. After Church, we got some breakfast and headed home.
After lunch, my dad met us at our house. Easton was so happy to see his Papaw. We then headed to the hospital to meet James' mom and dad and to most importantly see our little miracle. When we entered the hospital, my dad watched Easton as James and I entered the nicu. When we got there another Gift from God was brought to us. Asher's eyes opened to see his mommy and daddy as he heard us say our hellos and love yous. I then placed my hand gently on his soft head and talked to him letting him know Mommy was there. The next thing I knew, he was stretching his tiny arms above his head in reach of my hand. He then grasped onto my hand, as to say, "Mommy, I am so glad you are here. Don't let go. I love you so much!" It was another one of those moments where I felt Heaven in my hands. Another moment that is so hard to put into words at how special it was. My miracle was holding on to me, and it meant the world to me!
I had to let go, as the nurse did his vitals. James got the joy of changing another poopy and taking his temperature. I then got permission to hold my son again, all praise to God. I sat in the recliner and waited for my warm, cozy miracle to lay on my skin. The moment his skin touched mine, I smiled big. I couldn't see his face at the angle I was, so the nurse handed James a mirror to hold so I could see his precious face. It was at that moment a special God Moment happened. The nurse and James said he was smiling big. I looked in the mirror, and there I saw his smile..... a gift from God. My heart melted as I saw his beautiful smile... again as if he was saying, "Mommy, I am so happy in your arms. This is my home, where I love to be." I will never forget that smile at that moment. It was a work of God. I sent God praises for sharing that special moment with me.
As I sat and cuddled with my miracle for an hour, James' mom, my dad, and James' dad all came in to visit. How they all longed to touch him and hold him. They were all happy to see him off the Jet and have tubing in his nose instead. They enjoyed each moment with him, and I know they will be so excited when they too get to hold their miracle grandson for the first time. I know Asher felt them in his presence, and enjoyed their company too!
Before I knew it, my hour was up and the nurse was there to put him back in his bed. How the time flew by! I enjoyed talking to him, feeling his hand grasp me, feeling his breath hit my skin, and feeling his head lay cozily on my chest. I just wanted to hold him forever, but how blessed I was to have that moment with him today. I will forever cherish it, and will look forward to the next Mommy and Son bonding time. Asher was relaxed and comfy back in his bed. He opened his eyes to see that I was still there, but stayed relaxed and happy. James came in and we both told our miracle boy our love yous. It was again hard leaving him, but we knew he was comfortable in God's loving arms, so that meant so much to us. James would be back in the evening to hold him again, while I stayed home to watch Easton.
Asher's oxygen level has been in the 20s-30s range today, which is good. They also boosted his feedings to 24 ccs, which is full feeds for his size. We will see how he does. Dr. Pyle is back on tomorrow until the following Monday, which we are grateful for! Tomorrow they will do some tests on him. One will be a heart ultrasound to see if there is any vessel opened that could cause fluid to enter his lungs. If so, they will treat him with medicine. So, I ask that all of you pray for God to continue to bless him with lowered oxygen and pressure levels and blessed results on his tests. No matter what I know God is right there with him and will protect him and prosper him. He will heal his lungs in His perfect timing.
Dear Loving God, Thank You for reminding us what life is all about... You, family, and friends..... relationships that will last forever. Thank You for comforting Asher in Your healing and loving arms. Thank You for keeping him and us strong throughout this miraculous journey. Thank You for blessing us with the gift of holding our miracle from You in our arms. Thank You for blessing us with special bonding moments with our little warrior. You are so beautiful in all Your ways! Our complete trust is in You as You are working to heal his lungs in Your perfect timing. We pray that You wrap Your loving arms around him as he goes through the tests this week. May You continue to shine Your miraculous works through him for all to witness the power of Your healing grace and to grow closer to You. You are miraculous. We love You above all things! Amen.
Thanks to all of you for your endless thoughts, kind deeds, and prayers throughout this amazing journey. Asher is so blessed to have all of your powerful prayers surround him. They keep him strong and so blessed as he is wrapped in God's loving and healing arms. May we continue to unite together in prayer with God, Josh, and all of the Angels and Saints in this miraculous fight. God is so amazing! May He bless all of you for being the powerful prayer warriors you are. Asher is a strong warrior because of God's beautiful grace and your endless prayers!
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