When we got there, James and I went to see our warrior. The doctor came and updated us. His blood gas levels were back and forth all day, as they were trying to find his happy place for his lungs to heal and grow stronger. When we got there, his oxygen was on the high side in the 70s. His heart rate was also high. They did a chest x-ray and then readjusted the pressures.
Earlier in the day, we agreed to a blood transfusion. That sounds scary I know, but it was nothing to be alarmed about as it was normal for premies that young in the nicu as they lose blood due to getting blood drawn every couple hours to check their blood gases. So when we got there, he had an iv in his scalp. It was very hard to see. It hurt my heart to see my little son with all the tubing already, so when I saw the IV in the head, it just looked painful and broke me in pieces. However, they reassured us he was comfortable as they sedated him, and that was the normal place for the transfusion. His transfusion began around 8:30 pm and would last 3 hours. Then they would repeat it again at 8:30 am for another 3 hr period. During that period he couldn't be fed. But they would feed him after. However he was taking his milk good and was up to 9ccs. He also gained weight and now weighed 3 pounds 6 ounces. Again it was hard to see our little miracle going through all the was, but we knew God was right with him and we put our full trust in Him to get us through.
My sister and dad again visited him with us. After their visits, James and I went in again to tell our miracle our I love yous and gnites. Again, it was so hard leaving him. However, we knew he wasn't alone and God would comfort and protect him throughout the night and always. We just prayed that his blood gases would be better in the morning so his oxygen levels would drop to a better level.
When I woke up this morning, I looked forward to going to Mass for the first time in weeks. I missed going to Mass, so this was a gift. I was very blessed that Father Ed visited us each Sunday to pray and bring us Jesus, but I longed to be in God's beautiful home praying to Him and praising him. I wasn't sure if I would be able handle sitting on the wooden pew all Mass with my incision etc, but I was going to give it a try because I wanted to go. Walking in was a little hard due to the heat since it took your breath away with the humidity, but once I entered the cool air felt good. When I entered, it was great to be greeted by the preschool teacher, Jennifer, from my school. It was so nice to see God's beautiful Church again, or as Easton calls it, Jesus' House. We sat in pews toward the front so I wouldn't have a long walk up to Communion. I also brought a chair cushion as I didn't know how I'd do on the wooden pew. When I sat, I was a little sore throughout Mass, but nothing terrible. After all, I wasn't going to let it bother me as I was so full of joy to be at Mass. Since my sister and dad were with us, it allowed James and I to truly be as to focus in the readings and Mass, as they occupied Easton. This Mass was extra special as a baby boy was baptised and right in front of us was a baby boy full of smiles. Seeing the baby in front of us giggle and smile warmed our hearts. It did made me just want Asher home right then and there and in my arms, but I reminded myself of the joy I get to look forward to. I can't even put into words how full if joy we will be that moment he is in our arms at home smiling and laughing. That baby in front of us was a gift from God, as I felt Him telling me that soon our joy will be home and will fill our hearts with smiles, giggles, coos, cries, and so so so much love.
Papaw and Easton walking to Jesus' House.
The Gospel Reading really hit me. It was about how God is right here with us and hears our every prayer. He answers our every prayer too, even when we may not fully understand it, as He doesn't always answer according to our ways, but instances according to His perfect and beautiful plan. It made me think back to Friday when we hit a down hill moment. I had been praying and continue to pray for Asher's lungs to heal. That morning I got the scary call, I sank and didn't understand at the moment how God was answering my prayer. However when I heard about the machine issue, I just knew it was God's answer. He knew Asher needed a different machine in order for him to heal, so he answered it at that moment through a rocky moment, but with a special purpose. Healing his lungs is a process, but God knows how to do just that in His beautiful way, and I know that in His perfect timing Asher's lungs would be healed through God's beautiful grace. Sometimes we expect the answer to come with a snap of our fingers, but we must trust in God's will and His timing because He knows what is best.
Walking up to Communion felt amazing. I did feel a little wobbly walking, but again I pushed myself because I longed to receive Jesus. Receiving Jesus always feels beautiful and I love starting my every week with Him in me through Communion. I also enjoyed singing throughout the Mass. It is one of my favorite ways to send my praise to God. When we left, we again were filled with joy to see Hallie, the principal of Saint Wendel, and others we haven't seen for a while. When we walked outside , my Uncle Marv and Aunt Karen were right there. It was nice seeing them and updating them on Asher. Overall, being at Mass was the most beautiful gift of the day! There was nothing greater than being in God's presence, praising Him through song, and relaxing with Him in prayer. It is my place of comfort especially through this miraculous fight for my miracle boy.
Following Mass, we went to visit Asher in the nicu. Before we left the house,IJames was putting my sandals on and Easton came up and said, "Jesus?" He then walked over and got my Rosary as I almost forgot to bring it with me as it is the one thing that I hold onto each visit. It melted my heart that he noticed I almost left my Rosary. How blessed I am to have such a beautiful son who makes sure I don't forget my Jesus! That was a God Moment for sure!
When we got there, James and I went in first, as my dad and sister along with James' parents waited in the lobby and kept Easton entertained. I first walked over to check his oxygen level. I sent praises to God as it waa set at a lower level of about 34. His pressure was still about the same. So that was also good that it didn't rise up any higher. Asher was on his belly as that was his comfort position. The IV was still in his head, so we asked why. They informed us that they wanted to keep it until they test levels in morning to be sure he didn't need anymore blood. We also noticed him sucking on his tubes and asked about that. The nurse told us it was him practicing his sucking skills, which was great progress for him. She then showed us how he at times wil suck on a passy. It made us feel good as he will most likely need occupational therapy on skills such as that but him already practicing was a beautiful blessing. We cherished each moment with him. All we wanted to do was cuddle with him as always. The nurse then informed us that new babies were coming in and they may have to shut the nicu down from visitors soon, so we then hurried to let our family visit him.
My sister went first as she had to leave and head back. She didn't want to leave him as it would be a while before she saw him again, but she was so grateful to see him fighting strong. The others visited as my sister left to head back. I gave her a hug and said bye. It felt like she just got here, so seeing her go was very hard. I enjoyed having my family near. I just want to note how blessed I am to have her as my sister as she came earlier than planned Friday as Asher was having a tough day. I never asked her to, but that is who she is. She is here to support us and to fight right with her nephew. So Lacy, thank you for coming when you did Friday. God knew I needed your company to keep me strong. The weekend flew by, but I am so grateful that we got time to spend time together and that you finally got to see your miracle nephew.
After all the family got a chance to visit Asher, James and I went in to again say our love yous. We didn't want to leave, but God was with him, so we felt so blessed.
Before I end this post, I want to add as yellow butterflies have been surrounding us this weekend, James' brother messaged James with the picture below.. it appeared in his truck this morning. What a beautiful sign from above!
Dear Loving God, Thank You for keeping Asher strong. Thank You for holding us during the bumpy rides. Thank You for the gift of attending Mass today and keeping me out of pain. Thank You for the gift of our amazing family who is standing by us through it all. You are always with us as the butterflies remind us. Our full trust is in You as You will heal his lungs in Your perfect timing. We love You above all things. Amen.
Thank all of you for sticking with us in this miraculous journey. Please continue to pray God may heal his lungs in His perfect timing. Let us hold hands with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints in this amazing fight. God is beautiful and He is keeping Asher strong. All praise lifted to Him!
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