Stay Confident

"Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.". Hebrews 10:35

This Bible Verse above was in my daily devotion book this morning. As you read below, you will see why God chose this quote for me to read this morning.😊

Last night, as Easton sat in the recliner beside daddy eating tortilla chips and drinking juice, James and I played a few rounds of Uno. I would feel contractions here and there, but didn't think much of it. As we were on our second game, my night nurse came in with a package of IV fluid and said she wanted to go ahead and put my fluid on since I was contracting some. Again I didn't think much about it, and after she connected me, James and I continued to play a few rounds until Easton pulled daddy away and wanted to get the bed pulled out so daddy could go to sleep with him.

Easton helped daddy get the bed ready and then watched cartoons while daddy sat next to him. Within minutes, Easton was out and sleeping well. He had a long day of excitement and visitors. James then headed back to the recliner. As he went on the laptop, I was tired and began to fall asleep. I would feel a contraction here and there, some more intense while others more mild. Again, I was so exhausted that I just didn't think much of it.

Right after I closed my eyes, my night nurse came in and my relaxing night turned into a night of excitement. She said though all my contractions weren't intense, I was having them every 5 to 6 minutes and they were consistent. She told me she contacted Dr. Fitzpatrick and he wanted my IV fluids boosted, an ultrasound done to see if he was still breech, my cervix checked for any dilation, and blood work done. She said she contacted nicu and OR in case I'd be delivering. I was taken by surprise that all this was happening. I just remained calm while all the tests were done. Asher was in breech position and my cervix was still closed. So they decided against csection at the moment, and would just observe me closely throughout the night. If they would stick to consistency or become more intense, I may have gotten reevaluated again for dilation.

After the commotion and still facing the unknown, I  laid in bed with my Rosary on my belly and prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I asked God that if this was Asher's time to enter to bring me painful contractions so I knew and the doctors knew it was Asher's time. If it wasn't, I asked God to let them subside and diminish in consistency. You are probably asking... why would I want painful contractions? I agree facing them isn't fun, but I only wanted them to come if God willed Asher to enter the world. After all Jesus suffered more than we could ever imagine on the Cross, so painful contractions that would only last so long would be nothing.

As I fell asleep, after praying the Rosary, my contractions remained consistent for a little while but we're very mild. As the morning went on, they became less consistent. So I knew in my heart, it wasn't Asher's tine to enter yet. Yes, as much as we are exhausted and ready to meet our little miracle, we felt very blessed that God chose to give him some more time in me to grow even stronger. After all, we learned something that we never knew til last night. Each day Asher remains in me, it is 2 days less in the nicu. That is huge! If we can make it 2 weeks, it could save Asher a month's time in the nicu. So we lifted our praise up to God for giving him at least another day in his mommy.

We slept until about 8, and then my morning nurse came in to check on me. She said I was still contracting some, but more mild and 15 minutes apart, which was a lot better. Once she left the room, Easton popped up in bed. The cutest words came out of his mouth, "I hear baby Asher!" It made my heart melt and there couldn't be a brighter way to wake up this morning. He then had daddy get him a bar while he watched his cartoons.

A few minutes later, Dr. Fitzpatrick walked in, pulled up a chair, and took time to talk with us. I was so glad to see him as he had been on vacation for the past two weeks. He always knows how to bring calmness to us and is very knowledgeable as he explains things so well. He explained to us why we didn't deliver last night first. He said that with no dilation and no signs of infection plus with Asher's strong heart beat, it was better to let me contract and see if they would subside. If Asher was 32 weeks, he would probably have went ahead. But with him being 28 weeks, and not being certain if he would be delivered in another 48 hours or 2 weeks, it is much better to keep him in me as long as all stays stable and I don't begin to dilate. He then explained yes it would be much easier to just deliver, but he does what is best for both Asher and I, and at this point each day saves him 2 days in nicu. He went on to explain that he knows I am exhausted and he could see it in my eyes, as he has witnessed this many times in the length of his career. He gave the scenario that he knows I feel like I am in the middle of an ocean, where I can't see anymore behind me, and I still can't see the land. After so long, you get to the point where you just feel like you will never find the land. It made so much sense as that is how I have been feeling throughout the bumpy week. But he thinks I most likely won't make it past two more weeks (week 30). I may deliver tomorrow, in a week, in 2 weeks, none of us are sure. He said it would be very surprising if I make it past that. But we decided that our next goal is 30 weeks, as it would provide Asher another 2 weeks to grow stronger in me and save him up to a month in the nicu. Again that is huge! Again we aren't sure if we will make it that far, but we need a goal to reach for to keep us confident and to see land to reach.

Dr. Fitzpatrick brought me so much inspiration. I saw God working  through him and the words he was speaking. I had a tough week, and yes my confidence had dropped significantly if I would be strong enough to keep contracting and waiting as I just didn't see a landing. I needed a confidence builder. I never stopped praying, I never lost faith in God. I just was exhausted and having a hard time lifting my head as I was confused and anxious. I thank God for working through Dr. Fitzpatrick and giving me a goal, a landing to see. Also I thank Him for speaking through Dr. Fitzpatrick in a way that was calming and built my courage back up to fight. I returned to the place where I began where I was ready to give this fight my all. God was reminding me that with Him nothing is impossible and to never cease to fight hard as He will never leave me. We all have moments where we feel overworked, exhausted, and just don't know how much we can handle. It then causes us to become less confident in ourselves as we feel like we have beem climbing the tall mountain for days, and still haven't reached the top of the peak. But we can't give up. We have to keep fighting until we reach that peak. After all, if we just stop and feel too tired, what would be the purpose of all that we have already  mastered in the climb and fight? Asher and I have made it this far
.. 42 days!!! Asher has never stopped fighting and he remains strong. He is doing all he can to be a strong warrior as God holds his tiny hand to meet his mommy and daddy. I am going to fight just as strong for him as what a miracle God has given us to fight for and what a blessing God has given us as we made it this far! There is no stopping now no matter how tired I am.... with trust in God and He holding our hands, we will make it to that peak all in God's beautiful timing. After all, He never gives us more than we can handle! We are here to fight for our miracle Asher!

I ate lunch today, which was good and very filling. On holidays they go all out and even make us a puppy chow check mix, which is delicious! I was feeling fine, until my stomach began to cramp. I have had an upset stomach for a couple days due to contractions etc. So, even though the meal was very good, it didn't match well with my stomach. So, my nurse gave me some Gatorade to stay hydrated and suggested I do the BRAT diet tonight. So, James and Easton headed home to clean up around the house, then go grocery shopping which would include getting me somethings that are part of the BRAT diet, and then James was going to surprise Easton with a trip to Target to get him a fish game to play back here. As they were gone, I fell asleep. When I woke up a couple hours later, my stomach hurt again. But I just did my best to fight it. I watched some movies and went on Pinterest to get some dinosaur ideas for a dinosaur birthday party Easton wants. Okay, okay, his birthday isn't til November and his theme could change, but it atleast gives me something to do lol. Tonight I look forward to a smoother stomach, I hope, and time with my little buddy and James. I look forward to fighting for my little miracle, even if it means another night of contractions. We will just take this fight moment by moment, but never lose hope because God is with us and He will bring Asher into this world at His perfect timing. Until then, we will sit back and enjoy this ride! After all, how blessed we are to be on this ride and still going strong!

All of this post today is why the Bible verse at the beginning was a God Moment. I love how the reflection with the verse said, "May your persistent prayers pay off and may the burdens that have plagued you suddenly feel like a light and easy yoke.  May God grant you a fresh revelation of His love and a fresh outpouring of grace to not only face the day but to conquer it valiantly. And may you experience increasing joy because you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt - that God has amazing things planned for you!" God blessed me with this today as he guided Dr. Fitzpatrick to His most powerful and beautuful works. I feel refreshed and this fight I know I can face with all my strength! With confidence in God, He will reward us greatly! 😊

Dear God, Thank You for this miraculous fight. Thank You for speaking through Dr. Fitzpatrick this morning and making me feel refreshed. You knew I was getting tired which was causing me to lose courage in finding the landing place. The words he spoke gave me the strength and courage I needed to power back up strong in this fight, just as Asher has been staying strong each day through this fight. You remind me that nothing is impossible as we have You fighting right beside us. You have blessed us with this fight and our little miracle. We will fight strong and never give up! We have full trust in You and know You will bring our little warrior into the world at Your perfect timing. You will keep us strong and safe. We love You above all things! Amen.

Happy 4th of July to all of you! Even though the weather may be cloudy and rainy, we hope you all enjoy time with family and friends! They know how to always bring brightness into even the cloudiest of days! Just as all of you, our amazing prayer warriors, do each day! How blessed we are to be surrounded in your thoughts and prayers! Let us continue to unite in prayer with God, Josh, and all of the Angels and Saints in this miraculous fight. We love all of you so very much!