Daddy and Mommy Time

Often times we may think that it is the things like a new car, a new house, new decor for a house, new clothing or shoes, or more money that buy us happiness. But the truth is... it is a close relationship with God and family and friends that means so much more and brings true joy to our heart.

I have always been one who enjoys time with God and my family and friends. However, like all of us, I have also been one that at times focused too much on wants and likes. Sometimes I would find myself on Pinterest during the evening just looking for the perfect something for the house. However, this journey has completely changed me and my outlook on life. What matters to me the most is staying close to God while surrounding myself with my family and close friends. I use to work hard to keep the house clean and organized. But the truth is, being a mom is more than that. If I would work hard each evening to make it perfect, I would lose the time to cuddle with those who I love. This journey has also taught me to not worry about making everything perfect, but to instead let go and just enjoy life and those around me. After all, its the relationships we form on Earth that will last forever, not a clean house, a new pair of shoes, or an amount of money.

This weekend, James and I got to share something so special that really put what I talked about above in perspective. As I posted in the last blog, I got to experience for the first time holding our little miracle from God above. Ever since that moment, my life has been forever changed. As I mentioned in the the last post, the experience is one that I can't even form words to describe. When you hold a miracle, your life is changed and God reminds you that it is this... the miracle of life.... that life is about. No one can offer you any amount of money to trade this moment for. In my arms, was my miracle boy breathing on my chest and grasping me with his tiny hands. It is showing him along with Easton, James, and my family how much I love them.... that is what life is about... and that is what true joy is. These moments will last forever in our hearts.

Saturday afternoon, James, Easton, and I entered the hospital, with James in a button down shirt in hopes of holding his warrior son. As James walked into the nicu, Easton and I walked to visit the nurses that took care of me for those 7 weeks of bed rest. I ended up finding a book that belonged to one of the nurses in one of my piles I finally  sorted through, so I wanted to deliver it to the nurses to be sure she got it back. It was so nice talking with the 2 that were working along with Dr. Hill, who took care of me while Dr. Fitzpatrick was on vacation. Easton was also glad to see them, just as they were excited to see him again. After we visited with them for a while, we headed back to the lobby where we sat and Easton snacked on a cereal bar. We were planning on waiting there for a while since James would be holding him for a hour. However, James was walking toward us in disappointment. Due to a pic line being inserted in a baby, they had to shut down visiting time from the pod where Asher was. So, since he wouldn't have a full hour of time, he wasn't able to hold his miracle boy... something he longed for and looked forward to all day. However, I calmed him and reminded him that we would be back this evening and he could then hold him. He then looked forward to that special moment.

Later that evening, we returned to the hospital. I entered the nicu first to check on Asher and see how he was doing. He was doing a lot better due to having medicine to help get rid of fluid on his lungs. With Asher being a preemie with underdeveloped lungs, he gets fluid on the lungs quite easily unfortunately. With the medicine there to help him, his oxygen level went back in the 30 range compared to the 40 range it was at the day before. I got to give him a sponge bath for the first time. Being a mom, I was a little nervous and it took me a while as I was being "too" careful lol. James is better at it as he just does it without worrying. They then weighed him on the baby scale. He lost a little weight, but they said with him breathing and working harder on his own, it probably caused a slight dip in his weight. They were giving him 20 ccs of milk however, so he would get it back up.

After his bath and weight, I went to get James to tell him the good news. He was excited to hear that he was about to hold his little son for the first time. As he headed in, Easton slept on me out on a couch in the lobby. It was nice that he was napping as it gave me sometime to rest as well. The evenings are when the tiredness and soreness hits me, so being able to relax next to Easton was a beautiful blessing from God.

After a good half hour passed by, the nurse came out with our camera. They had took photos of James holding Asher and she knew that I would enjoy seeing them. She also informed me that Asher was so comfortable on his daddy and his oxygen levels were doing good. I was glad to hear that. I thanked her for going out of her way to bring me the camera, and then she headed back into the nicu. I turned on our camera and looked at the photos. Tears of great joy entered my eyes. Asher was indeed cozy against his daddy and his precious eyes were open, as to say, "Daddy, I don't want you to let go. I love you so much, and I love being in your arms. You are my hero Daddy." These photos will be forever cherished in our hearts.

After the hour was up, James walked out with a smile on his face. He didn't want to leave that recliner with Asher on his chest. He could have lied there all night with him. However, we had to get back home to get rest and to let Asher rest back in his bed too. He was just so grateful that God had blessed him with that special moment with his son, and he couldn't wait to share in that moment with him again. I then walked back into the nicu to tell my miracle son gnite and love you. Asher was all cozy in his bed as his daddy brought him great comfort that he enjoyed so much. What a special daddy son bonding moment it was to bring them both relaxation and joy!

When Sunday morning came, we woke up and got ready for Church. Again, I looked forward to going to Mass and praising God for all of his miraculous and beautiful works in my life. Being in His Church brings me so much peace and joy. I love singing praises to Him and listening to His Word. Easton made me smile as he kept telling us, "There is Fr. Ed! He play trucks with me at Hospital." Father Ed truly means a lot to me, and how beautiful of a blessing it is that my son has such a special connection with Fr. Ed. After Church, we got some breakfast and headed home.

After lunch, my dad met us at our house. Easton was so happy to see his Papaw. We then headed to the hospital to meet James' mom and dad and to most importantly see our little miracle. When we entered the hospital, my dad watched Easton as James and I entered the nicu. When we got there another Gift from God was brought to us. Asher's eyes opened to see his mommy and daddy as he heard us say our hellos and love yous. I then placed my hand gently on his soft head and talked to him letting him know Mommy was there. The next thing I knew, he was stretching his tiny arms above his head in reach of my hand. He then grasped onto my hand, as to say, "Mommy, I am so glad you are here. Don't let go. I love you so much!" It was another one of those moments where I felt Heaven in my hands. Another moment that is so hard to put into words at how special it was. My miracle was holding on to me, and it meant the world to me!

I had to let go, as the nurse did his vitals. James got the joy of changing another poopy and taking his temperature. I then got permission to hold my son again, all praise to God. I sat in the recliner and waited for my warm, cozy miracle to lay on my skin. The moment his skin touched mine, I smiled big. I couldn't see his face at the angle I was, so the nurse handed James a mirror to hold so I could see his precious face. It was at that moment a special God Moment happened. The nurse and James said he was smiling big. I looked in the mirror, and there I saw  his smile..... a gift from God. My heart melted as I saw his beautiful smile... again as if he was saying, "Mommy, I am so happy in your arms. This is my home, where I love to be." I will never forget that smile at that moment. It was a work of God. I sent God praises for sharing that special moment with me.

As I sat and cuddled with my miracle for an hour, James' mom, my dad, and James' dad all came in to visit. How they all longed to touch him and hold him. They were all happy to see him off the Jet and have tubing in his nose instead. They enjoyed each moment with him, and I know they will be so excited when they too get to hold their miracle grandson for the first time. I know Asher felt them in his presence, and enjoyed their company too!

Before I knew it, my hour was up and the nurse was there to put him back in his bed. How the time flew by! I enjoyed talking to him, feeling his hand grasp me, feeling his breath hit my skin, and feeling his head lay cozily on my chest. I just wanted to hold him forever, but how blessed I was to have that moment with him today. I will forever cherish it, and will look forward to the next Mommy and Son bonding time. Asher was relaxed and comfy back in his bed. He opened his eyes to see that I was still there, but stayed relaxed and happy. James came in and we both told our miracle boy our love yous. It was again hard leaving him, but we knew he was comfortable in God's loving arms, so that meant so much to us. James would be back in the evening to hold him again, while I stayed home to watch Easton.

Asher's oxygen level has been in the 20s-30s range today, which is good. They also boosted his feedings to 24 ccs, which is full feeds for his size. We will see how he does. Dr. Pyle is back on tomorrow until the following Monday, which we are grateful for! Tomorrow they will do some tests on him. One will be a heart ultrasound to see if there is any vessel opened that could cause fluid to enter his lungs. If so, they will treat him with medicine. So, I ask that all of you pray for God to continue to bless him with lowered oxygen and pressure levels and blessed results on his tests. No matter what I know God is right there with him and will protect him and prosper him. He will heal his lungs in His perfect timing.

Dear Loving God, Thank You for reminding us what life is all about... You, family, and friends..... relationships that will last forever. Thank You for comforting Asher in Your healing and loving arms. Thank You for keeping him and us strong throughout this miraculous journey. Thank You for blessing us with the gift of holding our miracle from You in our arms. Thank You for blessing us with special bonding moments with our little warrior. You are so beautiful in all Your ways! Our complete trust is in You as You are working to heal his lungs in Your perfect timing. We pray that You wrap Your loving arms around him as he goes through the tests this week. May You continue to shine Your miraculous works through him for all to witness the power of Your healing grace and to grow closer to You. You are miraculous. We love You above all things! Amen.

Thanks to all of you for your endless thoughts, kind deeds, and prayers throughout this amazing journey. Asher is so blessed to have all of your powerful prayers surround him. They keep him strong and so blessed as he is wrapped in God's loving and healing arms. May we continue to unite together in prayer with God, Josh, and all of the Angels and Saints in this miraculous fight. God is so amazing! May He bless all of you for being the powerful prayer warriors you are. Asher is a strong warrior because of God's beautiful grace and your endless prayers!

Holding God's Miracle in my Arms

Happy 32 Weeks to our miracle and warrior! You are such a fighter and so special to us. We love you so much, and can't wait to bring you home. Your big brother Easton longs to see you, play with you, and help you when you arrive home. You will be great buddies! What a miracle you are to us, and we can't praise God enough for you! Love, kisses and hugs~ Mommy, Daddy, and Easton

Wednesday evening, we got to see our miracle off the jet and on a normal ventilator. This ventilator provides less support and is more of an assistant to help Asher remember to breathe. It also helps his underdeveloped lungs prosper. It was the first time we saw him that he didn't have breathing tubes down his tiny throat. Instead, he had a thick tube inserted in his nose and just a very thin line down his throat for his feedings. I can't even put into words how amazing of a blessing it was to see him without a bunch of tubes down his throat. As I was cleaning his mouth, I felt and heard air come out of his nose for the first time. It was a true God Moment. It brought joyful tears to my eyes.

After James and I visited our miracle son, I brought my mom in to see him. It had been a few days since she saw him, so she couldn't get over of course how precious he was, how he had grown, and how she too was thankful to see him on a different machine. God blessed her with the God Moment we were hoping for her to see. As she was watching him, his eyes cracked open as if he was saying, "Mamaw I see you and am so glad you are here". After my mom saw her warrior grandson, my dad came in to visit. He too was so grateful to see his special grandson. He would love to spend a day just sitting by him, so it was hard for him to say bye and he didn't want to stop telling Asher how much he loved him.

James and I then went in together to say our love yous and nights. He looked peaceful, and we couldn't stop sending our praises up to God for blessing him off the jet and wrapping His healing arms around him as He continues to heal his lungs. God is truly miraculous!

On Thursday, Mom, Easton, and I went to the Health Department to pick up Asher's birth certificate along with going to the grocery to pick up a few necessities. It was my first time actually out where I felt I could comfortably stand, walk, and feel somewhat energized. We took a country back road to get to the Health Department. I enjoyed looking out at God's beautiful creation. As we were driving there and back, I just remember thinking how fast my bed rest stay at the hospital went. I was in there for 7 weeks, yet it seemed just like yesterday that I was out and about running errands and driving back and forth to work prior to this miraculous journey. I remember thinking in my hospital bed, I have weeks to spend here, then a c-section to get through, and then nicu stay, etc. At times it seemed like a long process, but looking back the weeks in the bed and the moment Asher entered the world truly flew by. If I didn't have God in my life, it would have went slow and not been the amazing experience it was and continues to be. It is with God, that he makes the days meaningful and not seem long. Now, I am back in the world, and how I look at things so differently. I no longer long to go in my car to go shopping for things for the house or eyeing a new vehicle I would love to have. Instead, I look forward to driving in my car enjoying the beauty of God's creation surrounding me, driving to DQ grateful for the gift of food God has blessed us with, driving to Church grateful for the amazing God we are so fortunate to have, and most importantly driving to the hospital to see my son, our miraculous blessing from our loving God... all while listening to beautiful Christian music praising our merciful God.

Thursday evening, James and I went to the nicu to visit our warrior. He was in a new bed, no longer the giraffe. However, it was still enclosed, so it was very similar to the giraffe bed. We were so grateful to see him. James changed his diaper, which another daddy surprise... poop! He also took his temperature, which read a little under 98. Because Asher was off his throat breathing tubes, if the nurse okayed it, we were able to hold him... something we longed for since the moment he entered the world. However, with his temperature being a little on the cooler side, we weren't able to hold him that evening. Even though we really wanted to, we knew God would will us that moment when that moment was right. As we were there, Dr. Pyle visited with us. Again as always, he brought us the gifts of smiles and laughter with his positive attitude and humor. As he was talking to us, the nurse was trying to get Asher comfortable. He was having a difficult time getting comfortable and was getting mad. He got so mad that he was showing us his amazing strength by lifting his head and moving it to another position. His heart rate rose high too. It made us a little nervous, but Dr. Pyle told us that with him readjusting to a different type of machine where Asher did more of the work, not being sedated as he was on other machine, and just being a preemie, those moments will occur. I told Dr. Pyle that he might be taking after his daddy with how strong he was lifting his head... might be a wrestler someday just like James was. It was hard for us to leave with him so angry. But we again knew God and Josh and all the Angels and Saints, along with your prayers were surrounding him. He would calm down in God's loving arms.

When Friday came around, I called the nurse in the morning to check on my miracle boy. The nurse informed me that his oxygen levels were a little elevated due to being a little more restless. She then informed me like Dr. Pyle informed us night before, that with repositioning and getting use to the machine and being a preemie, it is normal for them to be back and forth on their levels. She said when he stays at good levels, then that will be a sign that he will be about ready to get off the machine. But I know it is in God's timing as He knows when that perfect timing is for Asher. She then told me that his feedings were up to 16 ccs over a 2 hour period, which was an increase from 14 the day before. I was glad to hear that. I then told her that we would be in later in the evening and asked if she thought we may have a chance to hold him for the first time. She said as of his condition then, she thought we would have a good chance. She said it was up to the night nurse and Asher's condition, but she was rooting for us. I too was praying that God would bless  us with that special moment tonight. But again, I just gave it to God and waited to see.

Mom, Easton, and I ran a couple errands throughout the afternoon.... getting Easton switched to new pediatrician, treating ourselves to ice cream, and then running to the post office to send off some mail and to purchase some stamps as I was in need of them for thank you cards to send out. When we got back, Mom packed up her things as she prepared to head back home. Again, I could never thank my Mom enough for spending the week with us to help us out. Without her, I don't know what I would have done. As I am still in recovery mode, it is difficult at times to do laundry, empty/load dishwasher, help Easton on the potty, etc. Plus her being here has allowed James and I evenings to go to the hospital together and see our miracle, while she helped us out by staying back at the house with Easton to entertain him and get him ready for bed. She is a true angel to us. Mom we love you so much! Plus.... Easton woke up this morning (now Saturday), and asked, "Where is Mamaw?" He was so use to seeing her each morning, that he forgot she left yesterday. It was too cute.

After Mom left and James got home, James' brother Adam arrived. He has come each Friday to visit us and Asher. Easton always has fun with his Uncle Adam. We sat out in our screened in porch while Easton played with his bubbles. We then ate supper and headed to the nicu. I couldn't wait to see my little miracle, and sat and wondered if tonight would be the night that I could snuggle with him for the first time.

When we arrived at the hospital, Adam entertained Easton by walking him outside in search of rabbits, rocks, and acorns. James and I headed into the nicu. When we arrived, Asher looked relaxed on his side. His oxygen level was at 47 which was still higher, but in God's timing it would lower. The nurse took his temperature and weighed him. This time we got to watch the nurses weigh him on an actual baby scale. Before he was weighed inside his giraffe bed. Now, he moved up to the actual scale. It was so neat to see them lay him gently in the scale and watch the weight rise. He weighed 3 pounds and 8.4 ounces. Asher didn't like it too much, but he made it through. I will never forget the next words she spoke to us. "You may hold him if you would like." Those were the words I have been longing for since the moment he entered the world. God was truly blessing us tonight. I couldn't stop smiling.

James pulled up the recliner and I sat down and leaned it back to a comfortable position. Before I held him, the nurses worked together in getting all the cords untangled and in the right position. I then had my nursing gown on, so I was able to do skin to skin. The next thing I knew, there he was lying on my chest, skin to skin, all soft, cuddly, warm, and indescribable. It felt like Heaven in my arms. They placed a blue hat on his head, a little big of course, but to keep him warm. They wrapped a warm blanket around him also to keep him at a good comfortable temperature. It was the most beautiful feeling to have him snuggled tightly to me. His little arms were holding on to me. His sweet head was snuggling right in my chest. He was so relaxed and cozy in my arms, as I felt the miraculous gift of his breathing touch my arm. I lifted praises up to God for this amazing gift in my arms. This gift that at the start of this ride wasn't expected to make it, but God had greater plans as nothing is impossible with Him. The gift that survived and prospered in me for 7 weeks. The gift that entered this world through God's beautiful grace. The gift that is wrapped in God's healing arms and continues to fight strong and prosper all because of God's miraculous grace. This gift was in my arms, and I didn't want to let go. I could have slept in that recliner all night and all day with him. We shared a special bond... a Mommy and Son bond... and we both knew it as we were both as relaxed as could be. Even though I didn't want to leave, I knew Easton was out with Adam and we needed to get back home to get him to bed and so Adam could head back home. Before that precious time was up, a nurse took several pictures of us. Photos that we will forever cherish. I just can't put into words what a beautiful blessing this moment was... holding my miracle and never wanting to let go.

That time came and we let the nurse know we were ready as we had to head back home. She asked if Daddy wanted to hold him, but James said his special moment would be Saturday. They then put him back into his bed. That warm cuddly feeling now was a memory, but only for a moment, as I will eagerly wait to share that moment with Asher again. He was not a happy camper at all when they put him back in. He was so cozy with his Mommy, and he knew that that bed wasn't his Mommy. She first put him on his back, but he wasn't going to take that. So, she then tried to put him on his belly and snuggle him all in with a passy in his mouth. He still knew it wasn't Mommy as he tried to wrestle his way out. His heart rate increased again. I didn't want to leave him a second night in a row with being so mad that his heart rate was elevated. I then thought I'd try to place my arms on him and talk to him. As I sat in the recliner with him, I gently rubbed his back and talked to him. So, I decided to place one hand on his precious head, and the other I rubbed his back gently while talking to him. His heart rate went down to a relaxing rate and he began to relax. It was the greatest feeling to be able to comfort him. Something again I wanted to do since he entered this world. He would then squint his eyes open to be sure I was there, as I told him I was. He did it several times, until he fell asleep. Again, a moment I can't explain. God blessed Asher and I with a Mother and Son special bonding moment... a moment neither he or I wanted to let go of. As much as I wanted to keep my hands on him, he fell asleep so I gently and carefully took my hands out and said gnite. I didn't want to leave, but I knew God was with him along with Josh and all the Angels and Saints and he was peacefully asleep.

Dear Loving God, I can't stop sending praises to You. You are a miraculous and loving God. Thank You for blessing us with  Asher, our little miracle. Thank You for holding him in Your healing, comforting arms each day and night. Thank You for the power of Your healing grace as You continue to heal his young lungs. Thank You for blessing us with the gift of holding him. Thank You for the Mommy and Son bonding time together. Thank You for giving me the blessing of comforting him with my arms and words. Thank You for our amazing family. Thank You for blessing me with a mom who works so hard to help us. Thank You for Easton, an amazing big brother who loves his "Baby Asher" so much. Dear Loving God, You are Beautiful. Our complete trust is in You as You hold Asher in Your loving arms full of Your healing grace. We have faith that You will heal his lungs in Your beautiful, perfect timing as You know what is best for Him. We pray You continue to work through the hands, hearts, and minds of all caring for him as You continue to heal him. May Your miraculous works continue to shine through our little miracle for all to witness the amazing power of Your love and healing grace so all may grow closer to You. We love You above all things! Amen.

We are so blessed to have all of you, our prayer warriors, riding with us on this journey and endlessly praying for our little warrior. May God bless all of you for all your comfort, prayers, and love you send all of us each day. Let us continue to unite with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints in this miraculous fight in prayer for Asher's healing in God's beautiful timing. We love all of you so much! Asher feels your prayers surrounding him with a smile.

Sing Praises to God

"Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:19-20
As I was beginning this post last night, I was looking for a verse to add to this post. While writing it, Abbie, my next door neighbor sent me this verse out of the blue. I knew it was God working through her to send me the perfect verse... and perfect it is! Thank you Abbie for sending it to me. God was truly working through you!

Monday morning my mom came early to help me out for the week. God has blessed me with a good recovery, but I still struggle with some things and don't have my full strength back to help Easton with all his needs. So having my mom here with me means so much to me. Even though it is exhausting at times, she is here for me. Easton really enjoys his Mamaw here too. He doesn't want to fall asleep because he doesn't want to miss a moment playing with his Mommy and Mamaw. It melts our hearts! Thank you Mom for sticking with me through this. I hope you know it means the world to me, and I love you so much!

Monday when I called throughout the day to check on my miracle, the day nurse said he was having a good day and they were letting him relax as he had a rough and busy weekend. I was looking forward to talking to Dr. Pyle as he is on shift for the next 2 weeks. Dr. Pyle was the one who was with us from the start of this fight. He came down to my room each week to check on me and to always bring sunshine into my day. He is the Dr. who reminds me of my hero...Dr. Ruff ...with his amazing bedside manner and faith. So, James and I looked forward to him caring for our little warrior.

In the late afternoon, my phone rang. My face lit up as I heard Dr. Pyle's voice, as cheery as always. He called to give me an update on Asher, which meant so much to me. Asher was doing well and he said that they increased his feeding to 12 ccs. He then explained to me more about his infection as he said he was looking  into what could have caused it, but informed me that the antibiotics were helping him. He then said that a chromosome test they did on him when he was born came back and was normal. The test checks billions of chromosomes for any mutations or deletions. What is the significance of this test? Well if you know me well, you would know I am a carrier of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. What does that mean? It means that if I have a son, they have a 50/50 chance of having Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. We didn't realize they tested Asher's chromosomes, but we were glad to hear they were normal. Now, this doesn't mean for sure that he doesn't have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, it is just a good sign his chromosomes appear normal. We won't know for sure until he gets to his toddler stage. No matter what Asher is our miracle, and God made him for a special reason. So we pray he doesn't have it and trust in God's beautiful plan, and will love him no matter what! We don't let the fear of being a carrier get in our way. No matter what he is our beautiful gift!

Before I ended the call, I informed Dr. Pyle that we would be at the nicu in the evening to visit our warrior. He then told me he would be there as he was on call over night. He said he would sit down and talk to us more then. He was such a blessing to us, and I couldn't wait to talk with him later. God had definitely blessed us with an amazing doctor to take care of our son, and one who always sees the beauty out of any situation.

After James got home and mowed and we ate delicious chicken and dumplings his mom had made us, we got ready to head to the nicu to see our precious son and to meet with Dr. Pyle. We brought a cooler of breast milk as they were in need of more as his feedings were increasing and for his mouth cleaning. When we pulled in the parking lot, my back was a little sore so it was a little more painful to walk and stand. However, I held strong and walked without complaint because seeing my son meant the world to me always. Each morning I wake up and look forward to the moment I get to spend with him.

When we got in the nicu, the nurses were getting ready to weigh him, take his temperature, and change his diaper. James took his temperature and helped the nurses weigh him. It made him fill up with joy as he got to hold his own son in his arms as the weight was done. He weighed 3 pounds 8 ounces, but we figured he weighed that much due to not having a bowel movement in a while. They have been giving him glycerin to help him go, and he only had a little one up to that point.

While we sat and watched our miracle, Dr. Pyle entered the nicu and pulled up a chair right beside us, which was his amazing bedside manner. He sat and talked with us in his faithful, positive manner. He went over the items he had discussed with me over the phone, so James could also hear it from him with more detail. He explained the chromosome testing, his increased feedings, and his infection. What really meant so much to us was how he went into detail about the chromosome testing and the cause of the infection. He is one who enjoys his job, and he spent time researching the chromosome testing and the type of infection Asher had. Not all doctors take time to do this, but he does, even without us asking. That was and is special to us! He then told us how he would be caring for him over the next 2 weeks and how he has special goals and hopes set for Asher. His hopes are for Asher to increase to full feeding for his size, avoid use of steroids, and to get off the jet machine. This is what is special about Dr. Pyle. He showcases his faith in God and has the outlook that nothing is impossible with God. It is all in God's beautiful plan and in God's perfect timing. But he stays positive and knows God is right with Asher and working through him to heal Asher's lungs. Dr. Pyle is our angel.

After we got done talking to Dr. Pyle, it was time to head back home and say our good nights and loves yous to our warrior. As we opened up the giraffe bed so he could hear us, something beautiful happened. As I was telling him my love you, his one eye closest to me was trying hard to open. It opened a little and his little eyeball slid toward me as he was following my voice and knew his Mommy was there. I can't put into words the feeling I felt. It was just so beautiful ..... that is all I can say. I would to rewind and share that moment again. As always it was hard to leave him, but God was with him, along with my brother and all the Angels and Saints. He was protected and God was comforting him. We left with a smile knowing he was not only in the hands of God, but in the care of Dr. Pyle who God sent us.

When I woke up Tuesday morning, I called the nicu to check on my miracle. His blood gases were good at 5 am, so they were going to not take them until 5 pm. They use to do them 4 times a day, but with God blessing him with better levels, they currently were testing every 12 hours. His oxygen and pressures were at better levels too. He was doing pretty well with 14 ccs of feeding, but was spitting up some. So they were  just going to monitor it and decrease amount if needed. Dr, Pyle also started him on a special milk protein to go with my breast milk to help increase calories and vitamins. So they were going to see how that went too. They were still waiting on a nice bowel movement, but the nurse informed me that it was normal as a preemie's muscles are weaker and bowel movements were work for them. I got off the phone and smiled as God was truly blessing my son, and my prayer warrior's prayers are so powerful!

In the late afternoon, my phone rang. Again my face lit up as Dr. Pyle was on the phone. He just always has a way to make me smile. He began by making me laugh by saying that the nurse came to him and told him that she just witnessed the biggest poop ever... Asher's lol. It made me laugh and smile at the same time, as he finally was pooping!! He then told me that he was doing well and being a tough little guy.  He then asked how "Easton Monster" was. I told him that he hadn't took a nap all day and was still going like the energizer bunny. He said he must be like him, as he had been up since 2 am. Dr. Pyle is a true hero for still going strong even after being up all morning and day. He told me that he would call me on Wednesday afternoon to update me, and then Thursday he is in at night so he would talk to us in person as James and I visit then. I got off the phone again in a smile, because that is just what Dr. Pyle does... he knows how to make you smile in any situation.God truly works through him.

After James made us scrumptious tacos and took a shower, we were ready to head to the nicu to see our little miracle. When we arrived, we walked straight over to Asher to see him. He was as cute and precious as could be, and his blood gases were again good, all praise sent to our amazing and loving God! The nurses were about to do his temperature, weight, mouth cleaning, diaper change, and bath. We were again blessed as we got to participate in these things. I first took his temperature by placing the thermometer gently under his armpit. He didn't like it at first, but then he calmed down as I rubbed his arm to bring him my comfort. It was 98.6 degrees. Then, James got to give him a bath. He gently cleaned his eyes, hair, head, belly, legs, arms, and back. Asher wasn't crazy about getting scrubbed on his belly, but he loved when Daddy scrubbed his back. It must have been an amazing back massage. Then Daddy changed his diaper. Surprise Daddy!! Asher sent him a poop.. which again we celebrated as he needed to poop! He cleaned his tiny bottom and then placed a fresh mini diaper on his bottom. I then got the joy of helping hold him as his bed was changed. The respiratory nurse Nicky and I held him up. She held onto his head as all the tubes were up there while I held him at his bottom. His skin felt so smooth and soft. It brought joyful tears to my eyes as this was the first time I truly felt like I was holding him. I know I wasn't holding all of him, and not sitting in a chair holding him. But I truly was holding part of him, and it was so beautiful. I can't even put into words how it feels to hold him. It is like holding the most beautiful gift and miracle God could give me. I couldn't sing enough praises to God for that blessed moment. The nurses then weighed him and he weighed 3 pounds and 6 ounces. This was more of a weight that seemed right as he finally pooped. The night before he weighed more due to no bowel movements. After that, I got to clean his mouth with my breast milk. He loves that and licks the milk with his tiny tongue. That was such an awesome experience and a God Moment to forever cherish!

As we were getting ready to leave, we spent some time just cherishing Asher and watching him rest. The nurse said to look as it looked like he was smiling. We sat there and saw him try to smile several times. It just made us so full of joy and happy. Seeing him smile was a miracle and a gift. It made us know he was happy and strong in God's beautiful arms as God was healing him in his giraffe bed. He was happy to see us his Mommy and Daddy, as we were and always are so happy to see him and be with him!

I went to bed last night singing praises to God for blessing my son and always being with him and holding me strong. I held tightly to my Rosary and prayed that Asher would have a blessed night and that he would continue to heal him. I placed my full trust in Him as He knows best as He knows the most beautiful plan for Asher.

When I woke up, I pumped, ate breakfast, and then called the nicu to check on my miracle boy. I prayed his gases were good at 5 and that he was still fighting strong. The nurse answered and I heard her say, "I got some good news for you." I sat with a smile and in wonder what the good news could be. Was his pressures and oxygen better? I then heard her say, "Asher is off the jet machine." I sat there in awe, did I really hear her say that? That was Dr. Pyle's goal for the 2 weeks he was caring for him. I sat and praised God. Joyful tears hit my eyes. She told me that last night the machine showed he could be weened down on pressure. So, they took a blood gas to be sure. It was good, so they lowered the levels. The machine a little later then informed them that he could be lowered in pressure again, so they took another blood gas to be sure. It was good. So they decided to take him off the jet and try to let him just have normal oxygen and breathe on his own, which was Dr. Pyle's goal when he got off the jet. Well, Asher wasn't ready for that and struggled with it. So, they then placed him on a normal ventilator that was less support than the jet was. Instead of having tubing down his throat, he now has tubing through his nose instead. I still was in so much awe and couldn't stop praising our miraculous God. Yes, I hoped he could be on normal oxygen, but that time will come when God wills it as He only knows when Asher is ready for that. What matters are baby steps. God has heard our prayers and He is continuing to heal Asher and his lungs as He holds him tight in His loving, healing arms. He has blessed Asher off the jet, and has prospered him to a machine that is a step up and with less support. He is comforting him as He is healing his lungs. I will be patient as it is God's timing that is the perfect timing, and I have faith He will bless Asher free of any machine when the perfect time comes. God is truly beautiful and miraculous!

The nurse then told me that he had another poop, which was good. She then told me about his feedings. Dr. Pyle wanted to try 14 ccs along with the extra milk product. Well, he didn't tolerate the 14 ccs last night, as he spit up quite a bit. So Dr. Pyle ordered that he drop back to 12 ccs that would be fed slower to him, over a 2 hr period, along with his extra milk product. I thanked her for all the updates and told her that I would call her after lunch to check back on my little warrior. When I got off the phone, I again praised God for his miraculous works. I then messaged my prayer warriors that I have on my phone to update them and tell them to lift their praises to God and continue to pray that God may heal his lungs and let His miraculous works shine through Asher so all can see His healing grace and grow closer to Him. My dad responded to the message a little later around lunch by telling me on his way home he saw a yellow butterfly flutter across his windshield, and then another when he pulled into his driveway. Again, God and Josh were letting us know that they are with us always and especially with Asher. In addition, my friend who teaches with me, Carrie, messaged me that on Monday when working at the fair, she had some slow down time, so she was reading a blog post of mine, and as she did someone pointed out a rainbow in the sky. Another beautiful God Moment of His endless miraculous promises to lead us to His perfect plan.

After getting off the phone, I pumped, took a shower, and ate lunch. Easton was running around full of energy as he was excited because his buddy Maverick was coming over to play for a little bit. At one point, I even entered his bedroom and he had a couple pretend toy apples in a bowl. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was cooking apples for Maverick. I just love how he says Maverick's name.. it is more like "Mavget". There was a knock at the door, and Easton was all smiles as Maverick and his mom, my  good friend, Ali arrived. Maverick and Easton played trucks, kicked a ball back and forth, played hide and seek, and just ran around while Ali, my Mom, and I talked and I updated her more on Asher. It was nice to get to visit with her and for Easton to get to spend some time with his buddy. Thank you Ali for taking time out of your day to visit and give Easton some excitement as he enjoys time with both you and Maverick. You and your family truly mean so much to us!

After Ali and Maverick left, I pumped and then called and checked on Asher. The nurse informed me that he was still doing good and pretty much where he was this morning. She said his oxygen level this morning as 36, and this afternoon it was 40. But she said not to be too alarmed, as he is getting use to this machine and they can adjust it as need be to best support him at his development. She also said that he was tolerating his 12 ccs plus his milk enrichment product as it was being given to him at a slower rate. I then asked her if he remains stable on the machine, since the tubing is in his nose right now instead of throat, if we could hold him. She said as long as he is stable and nurse feels okay, that it is a possibility as skin to skin time is so beneficial to both us and Asher. Also, as long as it isn't a bath night, as his temperature is harder to maintain outside after a bath. It made me again smile, as I look forward to the first time to truly hold him when God blesses us with that perfect timing. She then added how sweet and cute he was. It just made me smile. After I hung up the phone, I again lifted my praise to God as He is so beautiful. He is keeping Asher strong and his Mommy and Daddy too.

As I close this blog, I am looking forward to hearing my phone ring and talking to Dr. Pyle. I look forward to my dad meeting us at the hospital, and both my parents to get to see their miracle grandson. My mom hasn't seen him in a while, and has yet to see his beautiful eyes open. So, I pray that maybe tonight she gets that heart melting moment to cherish forever. I look forward most importantly to see my miracle boy from God above. I know God is holding him in His loving and healing arms along with Josh, Mary, and all the Angels and Saints surrrounding him, plus all the prayers from his prayer warriors are felt all around him too. Asher is a true miracle and gift from God. God and him amaze me each day as he is such a fighter. I can't put into words how special he truly is, and I know God has a very special plan for him on Earth.

Dear Loving God, I sing my praises up to You. You keep me strong as You are holding me through this miraculous journey. Thank You for the sunshine You brought us this morning as You continue to heal Asher's lungs and blessed him off the jet. Thank You for blessing us with a hero and amazing doctor, Dr. Pyle, to take precious care of our miracle son. May You continue to work through Dr. Pyle's hands, heart, and mind as he cares for Asher. Thank You for amazing prayer warriors who continuously go out of their way to pray for Asher and his healing. Please bless all of them with Your everlasting mercy. Thank You for time with a good friend today and time for Easton to share with his buddy. Thank You for the blessing of yellow butterflies and rainbows to remind us that You are here with us always and holding tight to Asher as You work to heal his lungs. Dear Loving God, our trust is fully in You as we know You will heal Asher's lungs in Your perfect timing. We pray that he may prosper on this machine through Your healing grace, and in Your timing be blessed off of it to breathe normal oxygen and have healed lungs. May Your miraculous works continue to shine through Asher so all can see the beauty of Your healing grace and grow closer to You. You are a merciful, loving, and miraculous God. Asher is so blessed to be comforted always in Your healing arms. We love You above all things. Amen.


"Lord my God, I called to You for help, and You healed me." Psalm 30:2
This quote was one on one of the Daily Bible Verse sites for today. It reminds me that God always hears us and answers in His most beautiful ways and in His perfect timing. It is God talking to me that He is healing Asher's lungs and Asher will be healed in His perfect timing. God sent us healing today as He blessed Asher off the jet and onto a less supportive ventilator. He is working His healing grace through Asher.

To all of you, Asher's amazing prayer warriors, you are so special to us and especially to Asher. Your endless prayers are so powerful and God hears them. May you sing praises to Him for His miraculous works of healing. He is an amazing and beautiful God. We ask that all of you may continue to pray for our miracle son that he may prosper on this machine, and in God's perfect timing, be blessed off the machine and breathe normal air with healed lungs. May God continue to shine his miraculous works through Asher so others can see the power of God's everlasting love and grow closer to Him. Let us join hands together in prayer with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints in this beautiful fight for our little warrior to be healed in God's beautiful and perfect timing. God keeps Asher strong and He is always with him. Asher is so blessed to have God with him and all your unending prayers surrounding him. That is what truly makes him the amazing warrior he is! All praise to our AMAZING God and all thanks to you his prayer warriors!

"O my strength! Your praise will I sing; for You, O God, are my stronghold, my merciful God!" (Psalm from today's Readings)

A Beautiful Sunday

Last night after James cooked us delicious chicken enchiladas, my sister, dad, Easton, James, and I headed to the hospital to visit our little miracle in the nicu. It had been a bumpy weekend, but we let God hold us through it all.

When we got there, James and I went to see our warrior. The doctor came and updated us. His blood gas levels were back and forth all day, as they were trying to find his happy place for his lungs to heal and grow stronger. When we got there, his oxygen was on the high side in the 70s. His heart rate was also high. They did a chest x-ray and then readjusted the pressures.

Earlier in the day, we agreed to a blood transfusion. That sounds scary I know, but it was nothing to be alarmed about as it was normal for premies that young in the nicu as they lose blood due to getting blood drawn every couple hours to check their blood gases. So when we got there, he had an iv in his scalp. It was very hard to see. It hurt my heart to see my little son with all the tubing already, so when I saw the IV in the head, it just looked painful and broke me in pieces. However, they reassured us he was comfortable as they sedated him, and that was the normal place for the transfusion. His transfusion began around 8:30 pm and would last 3 hours. Then they would repeat it again at 8:30 am for another 3 hr period. During that period he couldn't be fed. But they would feed him after. However he was taking his milk good and was up to 9ccs. He also gained weight and now weighed 3 pounds 6 ounces. Again it was hard to see our little miracle going through all the was, but we knew God was right with him and we put our full trust in Him to get us through.

My sister and dad again visited him with us. After their visits, James and I went in again to tell our miracle our I love yous and gnites. Again, it was so hard leaving him. However, we knew he wasn't alone and God would comfort and protect him throughout the night and always. We just prayed that his blood gases would be better in the morning so his oxygen levels would drop to a better level.

When I woke up this morning, I looked forward to going to Mass for the first time in weeks. I missed going to Mass, so this was a gift. I was very blessed that Father Ed visited us each Sunday to pray and bring us Jesus, but I longed to be in God's beautiful home praying to Him and praising him. I wasn't sure if I would be able handle sitting on the wooden pew all Mass with my incision etc, but I was going to give it a try because I wanted to go. Walking in was a little hard due to the heat since it took your breath away with the humidity, but once I entered the cool air felt good. When I entered, it was great to be greeted by the preschool teacher, Jennifer, from my school. It was so nice to see God's beautiful Church again, or as Easton calls it, Jesus' House. We sat in pews toward the front so I wouldn't have a long walk up to Communion. I also brought a chair cushion as I didn't know how I'd do on the wooden pew. When I sat, I was a little sore throughout Mass, but nothing terrible. After all, I wasn't going to let it bother me as I was so full of joy to be at Mass. Since my sister and dad were with us, it allowed James and I to truly be as to focus in the readings and Mass, as they occupied Easton. This Mass was extra special as a baby boy was baptised and right in front of us was a baby boy full of smiles. Seeing the baby in front of us giggle and smile warmed our hearts. It did made me just want Asher home right then and there and in my arms, but I reminded myself of the joy I get to look forward to. I can't even put into words how full if joy we will be that moment he is in our arms at home smiling and laughing. That baby in front of us was a gift from God, as I felt Him telling me that soon our joy will be home and will fill our hearts with smiles, giggles, coos, cries, and so so so much love.

Papaw and Easton walking to Jesus' House.

The Gospel Reading really hit me. It was about how God is right here with us and hears our every prayer. He answers our every prayer too, even when we may not fully understand it, as He doesn't always answer according to our ways, but instances according to His perfect and beautiful plan. It made me think back to Friday when we hit a down hill moment. I had been praying and continue to pray for Asher's lungs to heal. That morning I got the scary call, I sank and didn't understand at the moment how God was answering my prayer. However when I heard about the machine issue, I just knew it was God's answer. He knew Asher needed a different machine in order for him to heal, so he answered it at that moment through a rocky moment, but with a special purpose. Healing his lungs is a process, but God knows how to do just that in His beautiful way, and I know that in His perfect timing Asher's lungs would be healed through God's beautiful grace. Sometimes we expect the answer to come with a snap of our fingers, but we must trust in God's will and His timing because He knows what is best.

Walking up to Communion felt amazing. I did feel a little wobbly walking, but again I pushed myself because I longed to receive Jesus. Receiving Jesus always feels beautiful and I love starting my every week with Him in me through Communion. I also enjoyed singing throughout the Mass. It is one of my favorite ways to send my praise to God. When we left, we again were filled with joy to see Hallie, the principal of Saint Wendel, and others we haven't seen for a while. When we walked outside , my Uncle Marv and Aunt Karen were right there. It was nice seeing them and updating them on Asher. Overall, being at Mass was the most beautiful gift of the day! There was nothing greater than being in God's presence, praising Him through song, and relaxing with Him in prayer. It is my place of comfort especially through this miraculous fight for my miracle boy.

Following Mass, we went to visit Asher in the nicu.  Before we left the house,IJames was putting my sandals on and Easton came up and said, "Jesus?" He then walked over and got my Rosary as I almost forgot to bring it with me as it is the one thing that I hold onto each visit. It melted my heart that he noticed I almost left my Rosary. How blessed I am to have such a beautiful son who makes sure I don't forget my Jesus! That was a God Moment for sure!

When we got there, James and I went in first, as my dad and sister along with James' parents waited in the lobby and kept Easton entertained. I first walked over to check his oxygen level. I sent praises to God as it waa set at a lower level of about 34. His pressure was still about the same. So that was also good that it didn't rise up any higher. Asher was on his belly as that was his comfort position. The IV was still in his head, so we asked why. They informed us that they wanted to keep it until they test levels in morning to be sure he didn't need anymore blood. We also noticed him sucking on his tubes and asked about that. The nurse told us it was him practicing his sucking skills, which was great progress for him. She then showed us how he at times wil suck on a passy. It made us feel good as he will most likely need occupational therapy on skills such as that but him already practicing was a beautiful blessing. We cherished each moment with him. All we wanted to do was cuddle with him as always. The nurse then informed us that new babies were coming in and they may have to shut the nicu down from visitors soon, so we then hurried to let our family visit him.

My sister went first as she had to leave and head back. She didn't want to leave him as it would be a while before she saw him again, but she was so grateful to see him fighting strong. The others visited as my sister left to head back. I gave her a hug and said bye. It felt like she just got here, so seeing her go was very hard. I enjoyed having my family near. I just want to note how blessed I am to have her as my sister as she came earlier than planned Friday as Asher was having a tough day. I never asked her to, but that is who she is. She is here to support us and to fight right with her nephew. So Lacy, thank you for coming when you did Friday. God knew I needed your company to keep me strong. The weekend flew by, but I am so grateful that we got time to spend time together and that you finally got to see your miracle nephew.

After all the family got a chance to visit Asher, James and I went in to again say our love yous. We didn't want to leave, but God was with him, so we felt so blessed.

Before I end this post, I want to add as yellow butterflies have been surrounding us this weekend, James' brother messaged James with the picture below..  it appeared in his truck this morning. What a beautiful sign from above!

Dear Loving God, Thank You for keeping Asher strong. Thank You for holding us during the bumpy rides. Thank You for the gift of attending Mass today and keeping me out of pain. Thank You for the gift of our amazing family who is standing by us through it all. You are always with us as the butterflies remind us. Our full trust is in You as You will heal his lungs in Your perfect timing. We love You above all things. Amen.

Thank all of you for sticking with us in this miraculous journey. Please continue to pray God may heal his lungs in His perfect timing. Let us hold hands with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints in this amazing fight. God is beautiful and He is keeping Asher strong. All praise lifted to Him!

Signs From God All Around Us

Before I start this post, I want to say Happy 31 weeks to our miracle son Asher! You are such a warrior who amazes us each day with your strength. We know God is right with you always along with Josh, all the Angels and Saints, and your powerful prayer warriors. We can't thank God enough for blessing us with you, our miracle boy! We love you so much, and we can't wait to hold and cuddle with you!

They told us that the nicu would be a rollercoaster ride. Even though you hear it, when those down hill moments come, you never feel ready. However, if we didn't have God to hold us during the ride, we would never find the uphill climb. So when the down hill moment hit, I fell to pieces, but I then controlled myself to my best ability, and held tightly to God as He held me in His loving arms.

I woke up yesterday and ate breakfast and rested on the couch as my dad and Easton were playing toys. The quietness broke as my phone rang. I looked down and knew the number right away. I remember thinking... please just let it be an update from a nurse God... but something didn't settle right with me as I couldn't view Asher on webcam all morning, which was strange. I answered the call, and I heard the doctor's voice on the phone. I sat there in silence and hurt flooded my heart as I heard him say Asher wasn't doing well and that his levels were very high. He then told me they were going to try the jet machine to see if he takes it better. I asked him nervously if we needed to come. He said that they would get the machine started and see how he does and call us back. I remember ending the call, and thoughts entering my head... how could he have increased that much over night? We were just there hours ago and James got to change his diaper while I got to take his temperature and clean his mouth. Then I remember within seconds I wept uncontrollably. I remember my dad running to me and asking what was wrong. I remember telling him and then dropping to my lowest low as I wanted to be alone. I then kept asking God why?? I called James crying uncontrollably and told him. I remember at that moment I didn't know what to think. James told me to calm down and not lose faith. He said he would call nurse for more explanation and then call me right back. I then waited a few moments for his call, I then picked up and he said the nurses said we don't need to come in. They would call him in an hour to see how his new machine does, and if anything happens prior, they would call him. He then reminded me to stay strong and that he'd call me after nurses did.

I got off the phone and I pushed all my doubt away. I wasn't going to let negative thoughts win. Instead, I had to get myself together and cling to God and let him hold me through this very scary moment. As tears ran down my face, I texted all my prayer warrior groups in my phone for prayers and more prayers. They are so amazing as they were praying, asking prayer groups to pray, lighting candles, and sending me novenas to pray. It made me feel so safe. I then took the Lourdes water my dad gave me and placed water on Asher's pictures, my Crucifix, and my Rosary. I then clung tightly to my Rosary, Crucufix, and photo of Asher. I prayed hard and trusted fully in God's mercy. I wouldn't let go. I had to stay close to God as He was my rock and He would get me through this storm. He was right with Asher through it all. I kept praying for Asher's lungs to be healed and for God's miraculous works to shine through Asher proving to the doctors and nurses how powerful is God and how much strength he has blessed Asher with.

As a couple hours passed, my prayers continued and my sister was entering Evansville. She had sent me a message that on her way home from Indy on the interstate, 2 yellow butterflies has fluttered by her windshield. How often does that happen on the interstate? It made me smile and know God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints were with Asher and all of us. As Easton was in the tub, my dad sat near him and was on the phone. I wasn't sure who he was talking to. He then got off the phone, and it didn't surprise me the least bit what he just did. Being the faithful and loving dad and Papaw he is, he called Our Lady of Snows and donated an offering so in return Asher would be blessed with a lit candle daily for a year and a Mass once a month at both Our Lady of Snows and Lourdes. That meant so much to me. Right after he told me, my phone rang, but it wasn't James. It was the doctor. Nervousness entered me, but again I leaned on God in hope for a better call. Praises were sent straight to God the moment I heard him say Asher was doing better on the machine. He then added that the other machine appeared to be having some issues. When I heard about the machine possibly malfunctioning causing Asher's levels to rise, I just knew that was God. I had been praying hard for God to heal his tiny lungs and get him off the machine. I have faith and know God wanted him off that machine, so he let the machine malfunction to lead the doctors in changing machines that would be better for Asher and bring his lungs healing so he can in God's beautiful timing get off the machine and be held in mommy and daddy's arms. I couldn't stop praising God. The power of prayer is amazing and beautiful. God is always right here with us and nothing is impossible with Him. I then texted all my prayer warrior groups on my phone to tell them to send praises to God. Their prayers surrounded Asher and kept him strong. God is truly merciful and truly there when all of us gather in prayer.

My sister arrived to our house while my dad took Easton along to pick up lunch for us. Right after they left, my phone rang and it was dad. As he was leaving our driveway, there on our roof sat 2 grey doves. We again sent praise to God for His beautiful signs. Since my brother passed over 15 years ago, butterflies and doves have been our signs of God's beautiful presence and our gift from Josh reminding us he is always with us. As the day went on, the beautiful signs continued. When dad drove us in the car, my dad saw a yellow butterfly flutter beside the car. When we got home, James was home. He came into the house and said, "listen to this..." He told us that when he was eating lunch in his truck, a yellow butterfly went across his windshield. It brought us all smiles and we just knew God was with all of us today. In the early evening, James and his brother drove to pickup supper, and on their way, a yellow butterfly again flew by. How beautiful is God! He is all around us letting us know He is with Asher and us always. He would deliver us to His most beautiful plan in His beautiful timing.

After supper, all of us headed to see Asher in the nicu. When we arrived, James and I went to see how our miracle son first. We walked over and waited for the nurses to weigh him etc. The respiratory nurse was there too, which was a blessing as we wanted an update and explanation of how the jet machine worked. He said he would talk to us in a second after he and Asher's night nurse finished the necessities they were doing for Asher. As we waited, we watched our little miracle and a God moment occurred.... one so beautiful...one so heart warming....one that was a special gift from God. James had already witnessed it once before for a small moment prior to this day, but I never had. As we watched him, his eyes opened and looked over at us. It made my evening so special and I again sent praise to God for his beautiful grace. It was like Asher was saying, "see Mommy and Daddy, I am strong and fine... for God never leaves me."

Following that special moment, the respiratory nurse did a fantastic job thoroughly explaining to us how the machine worked and how it compared to rgeachine he was on prior. He truly took his time and explained the physics of the machine at a level we could comprehend. We learned that Asher's blood gases were at a much better level and his pressure and oxygen were much better than the bumpy ride in the early morning. They weren't right where they were prior to the mornings scary moment, but they were good. That is what mattered to us, after all patience is key. We must remember, it isn't our timing, it is God's, as He knows best and has a perfect timing for Asher's lungs to heal. As we sat there and stood in the presence of our miracle son, Asher's eyes opened to us two more times. It was so beautiful and a very special blessing from God.

I then walked my sister into nicu for the very first time. She smiled big as she saw him for the first time. She couldn't get over how small and precious he was. Then it happened.... Asher opened his eyes to her. I knew Asher knew his aunt was there and what a beautiful gift from God. Lacy didn't want to leave Asher. She enjoyed every moment with her miracle nephew. But he opened his eyes as she said goodbye, so that truly made her bye special.

James then brought his brother and my dad into see him. They both witnessed God's beautiful gift of Asher's eyes opening. Following their visit, James and I went back in to tell our warrior our Love Yous and Gnites. He was so precious and we didn't want to leave him. He looked like he was trying to open his eyes, and his hand looked as if he was trying to wave to us. We left knowing how blessed we were to have God with him always keeping him strong and blessing him with the warrior he is. We praised God for seeing him doing much better on the machine.

Dear Loving God, You are merciful and loving. You are truly miraculous in all Your beautiful works. As the winds blew in the stormy morning, You were there to hold us in Your comfort. Thank You for keeping Asher strong and guiding the doctors and nurses to Your beautiful way. Thank You for the blessings of yellow butterflies and grey doves to let us know You are right here with us. Thank You for shining Your miraculous works through Asher for all to see Your amazing mercy. Thank You for the beautiful gift of Asher's eyes opening to tell us he is doing fine as You are with him always. We have complete trust in You and know You will heal Asher's lungs and bless him off the machine in Your perfect timing. You are an amazing and loving God! We love You above all things. Amen.

We can't express how much gratitude we have for all of you, Asher's prayer warriors. He has remained strong because of all your endless prayers and God's unending mercy. We ask that you may continue to join us along with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints in the amazing fight for Asher. Let us pray that God may heal his lungs at His perfect timing. God is BEAUTIFUL and Asher is strong because of God's amazing works! 

Happy 31 weeks to our little miracle Asher!

Holding on in the storm

Today has been a rollercoaster ride that I will write about soon. But until then...ease pray for Asher as he struggled greatly this morning, but then God blessed him and has made him stronger. But he can still use your endless prayers today. Please pray hard for him and pray pray pray. Again, I will explain more in next post. Until then.... may you read these lyrics to Casting Crown's beautiful song "Hold On". As I was waiting in car today, it came in and God again spoke beautifully to me. Please read them....and send praise to our amazing, loving, merciful, miraculous God.

Just Be Held"

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held (stop holding on and just be held)
Just be held, just be held, just be held, just be held

God is my strength

Last night we visited Asher before supper, as my dad was meeting us there to see his miracle grandson. James drove my mom, Easton, and me to see him. As always I smiled when I saw him. James and I saw him first. He was still at a great oxygen level of 20.7, but his pressure was still set at 33. The doctor said he would most likely be on the machine for a while. I held my tears in as it was hard to hear that. After the doctor left, the nurse shared a story that brought me comfort. She said there was a baby who was born at a pound and was on machine for 4 to 6 weeks, and the baby got off and was fine and actually went to his one year birthday party. It made feel better because Asher being on the machine for a while is scary to me. But I know God is with him and will keep him safe and bless his lungs with healing and get him off the machine at His perfect timing. It is just hard seeing him on it, but I am so grateful that Asher is the amazing warrior he is all thanks to God.

We then took my parents to see him. Then James and I saw him once more together to tell Asher our love yous and gnites. As always it was hard to leave him, but we left knowing he was in God's loving comfort.

On our drive home, I broke down. I was trying so hard to be strong, but I know it was good to cry and God would comfort me. It just was getting to me...  As dad and James were visiting Asher and I was in the lobby, a new mom was leaving with her healthy newborn. It made me think back to when I brought Easton home, and it just made me wish I could bring Asher home. It hit me that I was on bed rest for 7 weeks, yet James and I couldn't hold him. We sit and watch other parents holding their miracles, as we long for that moment. But then I stopped. I reminded myself where we came from. We could have lost our warrior that night this journey began, but through prayer and prayer warriors, God blessed us with our miracle and protected him for 7 weeks in my womb without much fluid. That is amazing! He blessed us with a safe delivery and our miracle son. He continues to wrap His loving miraculous arms around him and keep him strong. He blessed him with a normal brain scan, which the nurse told me she was very surprised he didn't have even a little bleeding, so our faith and your prayers were heard and God is so amazing! So, even though he is still on the machine and may be on it for a while, I know God is with him. I also won't stop praying that God may heal his lungs and bless him off the machine in His beautiful timing, and I believe in miracles as God is miraculous, that if in God's will, God will shine His miraculous works through Asher to get him off machine earlier and prove to the doctors and nurses how amazing God is and how strong Asher is.

When we got home, I was going to pump. However, my machine wasn't working. James also was told me they needed more milk for Asher's mouth cleaning. We were both exhausted, but we had to head back to the nicu to provide milk and get my machine fixed. However, once we got there, my exhaustion left me when I saw Asher. I praised God for this situation as it let James and I see him more. I know it not only brought us comfort, but Asher too. Again it was hard leaving him, but God, Josh, and the Angels and Saints were right there with him.

This morning I woke up and was excited because I was getting my hair cut. I grew it out for my sister's wedding so it was super long and very heavy. It was making showers hard, making me sweat, and getting in the way of pumping. A parent from Saint Wendel, Abby, was very generous and offered to come to my house to cut it. I couldn't be more grateful. She brought her 2 daughters and they played with Easton, as she cut my hair. She did an amazing job! I asked her how much I owed her, and she wouldn't let me pay her a thing. That meant so much to me. God had sent me another angel today. Thank you so much Abby for going out of your way to cut my hair which truly made my day! Your kindness is greatly appreciated!



I want to end this post with a God Moment. When I broke down yesterday, I asked God to send me Bible Verses and a Reading in the morning that would get me through and keep me strong. He truly answered my prayers! Here are the 2 verses, part of the Psalm, and part of the first reading that was a true blessing from God. He was truly talking to me. He is so beautiful!

No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. “Be strong and courageous." Joshua 1:5-6

Reflection:
God challenges us to be strong and courageous as we face life situations that we have never faced before. We need to remind ourselves that God is with us in Jesus Christ. Anything less is unbelief.

My reflection: God was reminding me to be strong through this journey. I can't let what I hear that can be hard, get me down. I got to trust in God because with faith in Him, nothing will stand in my way. He is always with me and will never leave me. He is my strength. My faith and trust are in Him.




6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

My Reflection: God is reminding me to cast all my anxieties on Him and to not worry. He is with Asher and will heal his lungs at the perfect timing. My prayers are heard and He is reminding me to focus on praising Him for all He has done and will continue to do as He is an amazing loving God.

Part of the First Reading:

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I dedicated you,
a prophet to the nations I appointed you.
“Ah, Lord GOD!” I said,
"I know not how to speak; I am too young.”

But the LORD answered me,
Say not, “I am too young.”
To whomever I send you, you shall go;
whatever I command you, you shall speak.
Have no fear before them,
because I am with you to deliver you, says the LORD.

My Reflection: This reminds me of Asher. He knew Asher before he was created in me, and He has a special plan for him. He may be really young, as he is born several weeks early, but God had a purpose I'm sending him into the world to his mommy and daddy for a very special reason. He is with Asher and will deliver him from this fight to His beautiful plan and blessing. Asher has nothing to fear, ad God us always right there.

Psalm:
For you are my hope, O Lord;
my trust, O God, from my youth.
On you I depend from birth;
from my mother’s womb you are my strength.
R. I will sing of your salvation.

My Reflection: Again, God is reminding me that He is Asher's strength and He will pull him through at the perfect timing to His most beautiful blessing.

Dear Loving God, Thank You for always keeping me strong. Thank You for giving me a shoulder to cry on when times get tough. Thank You for sending me a beautiful message this morning to let me know You are always right here with me. Thank You for our amazing prayer warriors. Dear God, thank You for our amazing miracle Asher and for always wrapping Your loving, healing arms around Him. You keep him strong. I fully trust in You with my whole heart and know You will heal Asher's lungs and get him off the machine at Your perfect timing. You are miraculous, beautiful, merciful, and amazing. We love You above all things. Amen.

How much all of you mean to us!! We feel your prayers surrounding us. How strong are your prayers and how strong you keep us! May God bless all of you for journeying with us in this fight. May you continue to pray with us, and pray that Asher's lungs may be healed and he can get off machine in God's perfect timing. Let us join together in prayer with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints in this miraculous fight. Asher is comfortable and fighting strong in God's strong loving arms.

All Praise Lifted to God

Yesterday afternoon I had my week checkup after my csection. So mom drove me and Easton to the appointment. I felt blessed because my back didn't feel as bent over, so I was able to handle walking into the hospital, up the elevator, and to the doctor office without support as mom walked hand in hand with Easton. My checkup went well, but my incision did have some yellow drainage in a small spot in the center. The high risk nurse checked it, as Dr. Fitzpatrick was busy downstairs. She said since it wasn't tender, wasn't red, and no fever, she wasn't worried. It can be a sign of infection though, so it did scare me. She said to just watch it and call them if it becomes tender, red, or a fever develops. So, I am asking all of you to pray also for my recovery and for my incision to heal with no infection. I trust God with my whole heart and know He will heal it.

After my appointment, I went to see Asher while Mom and Easton walked down to the nurse station as he had left some toys in the room I was in for 7 weeks. It brought me joy to see my miracle son. His jaundice levels went back up, so they had a light on and Asher had his shades on. With God's beautiful grace, his oxygen level was at 23,which was close to his goal of 21. His pressure was set at 33, with his goal being 22 to 24 range. They tried to lower it, but he didn't like it, and wasn't ready. So, please pray that God may heal his lungs and develop them to handle expanding on his own. Then he can graduate from the machine. I know God has His healing and loving arms around Asher and trust that He will heal his lungs and guide the doctors in taking him off at the perfect timing. Again, let's pray, pray, pray it can be soon, but in His timing, as God knows best.

Before I left the nicu, the nurse told me that he was about to get his brain scan and that we would know results when James and I visit in the evening. Also, his feedings went up to 7cc, which was another beautiful blessing from God. I then said bye to my warrior and left, even though I just wanted to stay right there with my miracle.

Mom then drove us back home. I pumped, ate, and took a nap as exhaustion hit me again. Before I knew it, James was home. He made us spaghetti for dinner, then we got ready to see our little miracle. We were ready to see him and to hear the results.
 We had great faith that God protected him with good results. We couldn't be more blessed to have all of you praying for Asher and good results on this test.

When James and I got to the nicu, a doctor came and updated us. Asher's oxygen level went to 20.5, which is amazing! His pressure was still at 33, but we knew God would let it drop at His perfect timing. He was taking his milk good, which was another blessing. We then asked about the brain scan, and she then checked the results. She came back and said it was normal. I couldn't stop praising God! He is truly merciful and miraculous! James and I were so grateful, and knew not only God was right with our miracle son, but God heard all of your powerful prayers! So may God bless all of you for the amazing prayer warriors you are! You mean so much to us!

We then spent the evening with our miracle boy. James rested his daddy hands on him and we both talked to him. We enjoyed every moment with him, and again didn't want to leave him. How we longed to hold him, hear him cry, and eventually take him home. But how blessed we are to have God holding his strong hand and fighting with him, along with Josh and all the Angels and Saints and your prayer warrior prayers surrounding him. God will protect him and never leave his side, as He is always with us. He will guide us to His most beautiful plan.

Tonight we look forward to visiting our warrior. James called around lunch to check on him and he was still doing good and same as last night. They were going to try increasing his milk intake to 8ccs this afternoon, so we are curious how he did. He is such a fighter!

Dear Loving God, thank You for always holding Asher's hand and never leaving his side. It is so hard to leave him, but we feel so blessed because we know he is never alone because You are always with Him along with Josh and all the Angels and Saints. Thank You for protecting Asher and keeping him strong, along with his mommy and daddy. Thank You for blessing Asher with a normal brain scan. All praise lifted to You and the amazing prayer warriors that You have blessed us with throughout this amazing, miraculous fight! Your ways are the most beautiful! We trust fully in You as we know You will guide us to Your perfect plan at the perfect timing. Your love is amazing and everlasting. We love You above all things. Amen.

All of you, Asher's prayer warriors, mean the world to us. Your prayers are powerful and we feel them surrounding us. We can't be more grateful to have all of you journey with us on this amazing ride to fight with our little miracle. Let us continue to hold hands in prayer with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints. Asher is strong and happy wrapped in God's loving arms and your endless prayers.

God is Beautiful

Today was truly an adventurous one, but one that God's light truly shined in on us.

After pumping, James called the nicu for an update. With God's amazing grace Asher's oxygen was still at a good level, but they did have to go up on his pressure some. It made us smile though knowing they were increasing his food intake to 6 ccs. Again, we know God is holding his precious hand and never letting go. We trust in God's timing for Asher to get off the machine. We ask for you to join us in praying for that day to come soon and in God's perfect timing.

James and I planned on visiting our little miracle later in the afternoon as his parents and sister were meeting us at the hospital to see little Asher. So James and Easton played outside while Mom helped me shower. That is when our adventure began.

I was just about done showering, when James ran in the house and asked if I was almost st done. Mom said I was just finishing, and then James told us water was flooding the garage. Ok, not a huge flood, but enough to make a mess. It made me think back to earlier in the morning when I kept hearing strange noises as James was showering. James concluded we had a plumbing backup.

As James drove to Home Depot to rent a snake machine to use to clear the backup, we were stuck with no water, except for the blessing of bottled water. That wasn't a huge deal as bottled water was helpful in many ways, but we couldn't flush the toilet. I say toilet, because James had took the hall bathroom toilet out so the room was ready for the machine.

When James returned, he was sweating and trying everything to lift up the 200 pound machine over our porch step. It was a struggle and ended up chipping some brick. Yes, that wasn't something we wanted, but there are more important things in life to worry about. James wheeled the machine over to the bathroom, as Easton watched full of curiosity. I sat and watched from the couch, and it took longer than I thought, so my eyes closed and I took a nap as exhaustion hit. I woke up an hour later to the sound of James' frustration. There he was full of sweat and exhaustion still trying to get it to work. He spent a couple hours trying to get the snake through the pipe, but it was unsuccessful. It broke my heart to see him working so hard, as that is the man he is, but not getting anywhere. So James decided to go under the house in the crawl space with the machine to see if it would do the trick.

It bothered me so much because he was already multitasking and being an amazing husband and dad, and here he was facing  a dilemma where we all depended on him for water. As he entered the crawl space, the clock struck the most powerful hour of prayer, 3 pm. I got my Rosary and clinged to it tightly and began praying for Asher. When I came to the second decade, I prayed for James. I held my Rosary tight and asked God to please guide James to the answer to the problem and how to fix it. I told him he works so hard and only wants to see his miracle son. I asked God to please let the answer be found so he could see Asher today with his parents and sister along with my mom and me. As I ended the decade and began to the next praying for all the nicu babies and Asher, James came into the front door full of relief and joy as he figured out the problem and fixed it. I couldn't stop praising God as I held even tighter to my Rosary. I told James I just had prayed that God would help him so he could see Asher. I told him God is right with him and to praise Him as God listens and the Rosary is so powerful. He said he just happened to see how the pipes led outside to our front landscaping and so it led him there. Immediately he noticed the issue, the roots of our Japanese Maple were blocking our line. Yes, James spent hours in the bathroom with no success, but God guided him and answered my prayer. He is a glorious God!

James was to have the machine back by 4, so he asked our kind neighbor Wayne to help him load it and then rushed to Home Depot as it was almost 4. As he was gone, we were grateful for the water to be turned back on.

A few minutes later, my phone rang. I answered and I heard, "You aren't going to believe this." James tone sounded grateful, so that relieved me. He then told me how the guy who rented the machine to him asked him why he had a hospital bracelet on. James then summed up the story. James then left with the machine. When he returned it, the same guy was there but James was 10 minutes late. He already owed $70, but would be charged $100 if late. So James apologized to the man and told him how he just got done. The man told him well let's look it over and talk. He then told James," this is the least of your worries right now, you don't owe anything." James said he just wanted to cry. As he told me this, tears formed in my eyes. I told James it was God. He heard my prayer and he sent you an angel. I couldn't get over how truly miraculous God truly is! It was another reminder and God Moment to let me know He hears all my prayers and was right with Asher protecting and letting his miraculous works shine through him.

After our adventure, James hurried and got ready and we made it to the nicu in time to meet his parents and sister and see our miracle son. Again I lifted praise up to God for letting James see his son. Mom and I saw Asher first. He was getting a new tube in his throat due to x-ray showing it needed to be readjusted. It was so neat to see him so close as they were lifting his precious head. Mom loved seeing her miracle grandson. Then James took his family in one at a time. It was his sister's first time seeing him and she couldn't get over just how small he was. After they visited, James and I went back in to see him and give him our love and said our gnites. I touched his soft and tiny feet as I told him how much I loved him, how I was fighting for him, and how God was right with him holding his tiny, but strong hand. Then James put his special daddy hands on him and talked to him. Again it was so hard to leave. We just wanted to stay and place our hands on him all day and talk to him all day. But that poem kicked in my mind, and reminded myself he is never alone. God is with him always along with Josh and all the Angels and Saints. Before we left, we signed a permission form for them to put a special catheter in tomorrow. A nurse earlier this week told us about it, so we knew it was important. We then walked out, only wishing we could just take him home with us.

Before I left, I walked over to the prayer request book and wrote a special prayer for my miracle boy. I also added in a special prayer, that I pray all of you add to your prayers for tomorrow too. Asher will have a brain scan tomorrow to be sure no bleeding in brain. It is a routine for premies this young, so even though scary, we knew it had to be done. So if you can join us and Asher in prayer for a successful brain scan tomorrow morning. I know God will be with Him. Where more are in prayer, God is truly there. So let's hold our hands tight in prayer for our little warrior tomorrow. Also if you can continue to join us in prayer that soon in God's perfect timing he will be off the machine. Your prayers are so powerful!

Dear Loving God, You are so beautiful in all Your ways. Thank You for letting your light shine today as You were there with James. Thank You for sending him an angel in the midst of it all. How amazing is Your unending love! Thank You for keeping Asher strong and never leaving his side. Thank You for our miracle. We wouldn't be here without You. I pray that You wrap Your healing hands around Asher tomorrow during his brain scan as You do each day. You are miraculous and our full trust is in You as You will lead us to Your most beautiful plan. We love You above all things! Amen.

Thank all of you for being strong and powerful prayer warriors. We couldn't be more blessed! Let us continue to unite in prayer with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints in this amazing fight for our miracle son! Asher is a strong warrior who smiles as he relaxes in your prayers and God's loving arms.