Connecting with God

Today as James left for a while to finish mowing the yard, thankfully this time not in Raging Rapid style, take library books back, and run a few errands, I had my first alone time since coming here. I felt a little nervous when he left because he is my rock and I love him being close to me as we fight together with Asher. However, I had him put in the DVD Letters to God before he left. I knew this would calm me and let the time pass quicker. By the way, I can't forget to mention that my nurse Donna, who I have been blessed to have during her shifts, has been a warrior with us. After I told her of my love of Christian stories, especially true stories, she brought in a whole stack of Christian DVDs and a book she said I just have to read. Little did I know that she has a love for youth ministry and her and her husband have a dream to be missionaries, which is awesome! Also, it is a small world because she grew up on a farm right up the road from James' parents home! Anyways, watching that movie did calm my nerves. If you haven't seen it, you need to. It is a very inspirational story all about God's beautiful works.

After the movie ended, I ordered my lunch, ate, and then began to think about the blessings of being here at the Womans Hospital. You may wonder, you mean she sees blessings at being at a hospital? Well most importantly the nurses and doctors are in the fight for Asher and keeping us as healthy and safe as possible, which is a true blessing from God! I am so glad he led me here! But I began thinking of the life I was living right before this.

 I was very consumed in making sure the house was as spotless as possible, being sure I found the perfect bedding set for Asher and decor for the nursery I have planned for him, keeping all Easton's toys organized ( with Easton's help of course), being sure the laundry was not getting piled up and was folded neatly and put away, being sure I had things in my classroom as organized as possible for the maternity leave I had planned in September, and busy thinking how we needed this blue desk chair I really wanted, how I wished we could get new patio cushions to doll up our screened in porch, how I hoped we could finally get Easton's playground set ( as he would prefer to call it a tree house) so he had it to play on over summer, and how I hoped for a grill so James could make me cheeseburgers.... And etc. I sat here in my hospital bed and just thought about all my wants and thought I had to haves, and really realized how I feel blessed to be here in this room without that list of dos and dreams. Instead God gave me this time to stop, pause, and fight for Asher. He has made me realize that a playground, blue chair, patio cushions are all nice, but not important in this life. After all, you will always have wants, but life is about God and building that relationship with Him. It is about trying your best to work hard so you can have the necessities in life for yourself and your family. Life is not perfect, you will never have a house that stays clean 24/7. Laundry, dishes, toys on the floor, dust on the furniture, etc etc will always be there. Yes it is a must to do them, but sometimes I felt like I had to get to it right away to be that super mom and super wife. Being here I learned I don't. God has taught me to let go. What I need is God, spend time with my family, and to take care of myself along with my family. Often times us mom's tend to put everybody and everything before ourselves, but God reminded me that we have to take time to rest. After all, it's in those times of rest that we can sit and be fully with Him. With all my craziness, I felt like I was missing that time to be alone with God. I would spend my drives to school to be with him, but I wanted more. 

This time here is not only making me stronger and keeping Asher strong so he can fight, but it is giving me time with God. It is giving me time to see what really matters in life. I think often times we get so busy in our wants and have to dos, that we then lose that connection with what life is truly about. After all, if it wasn't for God, we wouldn't be here. He created each of us for a reason and wants that relationship with us to grow stronger each day. 

So, I just want to say thank you God. Thank you for being with us in this fight, keeping us strong, and leading us to your will for Asher. Thank you too for giving me this time to rest to keep Asher strong and to let me build my relationship back with you. Thank you for reminding me what life is truly all about! Thank you for being my best friend and for all your love. Thank you for all of my amazing friends, family, strangers who are surrounding us in prayer and fighting for Asher! You are a truly AMAZING God! All my trust lies in you! I truly love You above all things! Amen.