It is hard to believe that Asher has now conquered 40 weeks! We are now in the home stretch and God's beautiful timing of his arrival home with us is so close! He is now a little over 7 pounds and getting so big, so strong, and is truly a miraculous blessing in our life. Happy 40 Weeks to our little miracle!! We love you so much!! Hugs, Kisses, and so much Love~ Mommy, Daddy, Easton
Timing.... Patience... Trust.... Hope..... Gratitude.... Blessed..... Miraculous....
These aren't just words..... they have such important meaning in my life and all of our lives. This journey has truly taught me so much and has really defined how important each of these ingredients are in our lives.
God has truly taught me so much. He has reminded me that it isn't our timing.... it is His perfect timing. He has taught me the gift of patience. We all wish we can have things now, but life doesn't work that way. And it is a blessing that it doesn't happen that way. For if we were blessed to have everything we wanted right when we wanted each time, where would our relationship with God be? Wouldn't we be too caught up in ourselves and only worry about getting what we want instead of focusing on the beauty of how God works in our lives?
I am going to reflect back on the last week on how God has reminded me of the beauty of His timing and the gift of patience.
Last Wednesday, while my mom watched Easton throughout the week so I could spend more time with Asher and breast feed him, I headed in as he was scheduled for several tests that day as he is in the home stretch. When I entered the main nicu, a nurse told me that he had graduated to Nursery B, which was down the hall and a smaller nicu for babies about to go home. It made me smile as again I couldn't wait for that day to come and felt blessed that he graduated to the smaller nicu! When I arrived, the nurse told me that he wasn't a happy camper that morning when they moved him as it was right at his morning feeding time, and he didn't get fed in time. The poor guy would have to be awaken two more times throughout my time there for a MRI and a heart ultrasound. First was his MRI. He wasn't happy when we had to wake him up, as he assumes that means feeding time. So we did all we could by comforting him with a paci as we had to walk him all the way across the Hospital to Gateway (about a 10 minute walk) in his little crib. Once we arrived, they weren't ready for him. We all hated to hear that as it is hard to have a baby wait... especially as we had to wait for a good 20 minutes and he already was upset! He was fussy and didn't like the wait, but once he got in the MRI machine, he did really well, and we were all proud of him. Next he had his eco test on his heart where again he was woken up, but this time more content. He did very well for that test too. Finally he got to eat and rest, which he needed as he had a busy day with getting moved around and having a couple tests.
Thursday, the nicu doctor called me to tell me that his MRI was normal and that his heart eco looked good but had a small opening in one vessel that should close on its own, but will get it checked in a couple months to be sure. Then the most beautiful words rolled out of her mouth as she said that Asher was being a rock star without his nasal canula and if he continued to do well, we could room in Friday and take him home Saturday. I will never forget that unbelievable happy moment! Mom had come down that morning, and we were doing some "Spring Cleaning" (I know it isn't Spring lol) as we knew Asher's homecoming was very near. We were in the midst of cleaning ceiling fans when my phone rang and that amazing news entered my ears! I was so filled with joy and was almost in shock. I then got the overwhelming feeling as I felt like I was ready for him, but the house wasn't. My to do list hit my brain, and I wrote down my to do's. However, I let go of the anxiety eventually and reminded myself that we will be ready.. and all that mattered was our miracle would be home so soon! It is just funny because I look back and can count back 18 weeks of this journey.... and yes that seems really long.... but man how fast it truly went! With the gift of all of your prayers and God as my rock, this journey has flown by and has brought so many blessings in my life! So when those words of him coming home hit my ears, it felt almost unbelievable that he was in the home stretch!
That evening I brought in Asher's car seat as they were ready for his car seat study. In order for him to go home, he would have to be able to sit in a car seat for 1 hr 30 minutes. That doesn't seem hard I know.. but for a nicu baby it can be a challenge. As preemies are usually born with underdeveloped lungs, sitting in that position can be difficult for them to adjust. They planned on doing his study that evening. When I arrived back home, I excitedly picked out Asher's take home outfit and blankets etc. to bring in Friday evening when we stayed over. I couldn't describe the beautiful feeling in my heart that I felt. Right before bed, I placed Asher's freshly cleaned sheets on his crib mattress in our bedroom again smiling that his homecoming was really happening soon.
I couldn't wait to head in Friday morning! James' brother Adam came down to watch Easton and took him to Gatti Town etc, while I headed to spend the morning with our miracle. When I arrived, his nurse was busy but informed me that she had to sit down and talk with me. Nerves hit me, as I just had a feeling that it probably meant that maybe he wouldn't be going home quite yet. When she finally caught a break as it was a busy day in the nicu with 30+ babies, she informed me that he failed his car seat study Thursday evening. I wanted to sit down and cry. I will never forget that feeling.. my heart felt like it broke into pieces... yet I held myself together. After 35 minutes in his car seat, his saturation dipped down to 82. For the test he can't dip below 92. They could try it 1 more time that day with a car seat specialist there to be sure they have him in the car seat correctly and to see if they could add any cushion to help him. If he didn't pass it, they would have to wait another 2 days before trying it again. This meant that he wouldn't be going home as planned. This meant that we wouldn't be staying over with him that evening. This meant it wasn't God's perfecting timing for him to go home. I felt torn. I only hoped for all to go as planned. However, I reminded my self of being patient and remembering that God knows His perfect timing. Yes, I longed to hold him that weekend at home on the couch. Yes, I longed to let Easton bond with him for the first time. Yes, I couldn't wait to walk him in the door at home. Yet, I trust God and know He has a beautiful day planned for him to experience all of that... and very soon! My broken heart began to bond back together as I held him in my arms and looked at my little man and smile at how far he has come.... again the thought of what could of been hit my mind... and praises to God sung through my mind at the miracle he brought us! Waiting a few more days was nothing... I would wait as long as I needed.... because Asher's health and coming home at God's perfect timing is what matters the most to me!
After feeding him, he rested calmly in my arms. Then the photographer came by to take his baby photos, which I was excited about! I got him a personalized onesie that said... "Asher- Brave Little Warrior" with Arrows on it of course! I then brought in the same deer outfit that Easton wore in his newborn photos. I look forward to putting their deer photos together in our house and see how similar/different they look. Following his photos, he got circumcised. It felt good to get all of that done, so when that beautiful day arrives, we will have items already checked off our list.
When Saturday came, the doctor again talked to me and decided to give him another 5 days in the nicu to be sure he didn't need to go back on oxygen and had time to prosper some more. I agreed that would be good as I wanted to be sure he came home when he was truly ready. They would do his car seat test again mid week.
He did well over the weekend. However, the nurses would occasionally have trouble with his bottle feedings with him choking some. He seems to be able to pace himself much better with breast than bottle. The nipples of the bottle come out faster and it challenges him more to get the suck, swallow, breathe in rhythm, as he is still learning to adjust. As he grows stronger, it will become easier.
Sunday afternoon we took Easton to Maize Farm. As it was possibly the last weekend to get out and do something with him before Asher's arrival home, we wanted to do something special together. He absolutely loves pumpkins and being outside, so we felt this would be something fun that he would love... and that he did! We first went on a hay ride and let Easton pick a pumpkin in the pumpkin patch. It cracked us up as he chose the smallest pumpkin. James tried to guide him into picking a large pumpkin, but he said they were too heavy. It melted our hearts when he said that in the sweetest way. So we ended up picking Asher a large pumpkin while Easton picked the smallest one! :) Easton then got to ride a small pony for the first time. He looked so big on it! He then enjoyed playing on the tractor play set, walking through a corn maze, going down a large slide, racing ducks, etc. Before leaving, we let him pick out 3 small pumpkins/gourds. He of course had to choose one of them as a white one as he likes ghosts. He already told me that he wants to be a ghost for Halloween... which Easton and I just made his ghost costume yesterday (Saturday) together. It turned out so cute!!
When Monday came around, I was filled with gratitude to hear that Dr. Pyle was on for the next two weeks. It was a blessing from God... I knew He knew how much Dr. Pyle meant to me. After all he sent Dr. Pyle to me throughout my bed rest stay to keep me positive, informed, and to make me smile. He is truly an angel to me! So, what a gift it would be to be able to take Asher home when he was on shift! He called me in the afternoon to update me. He decided that Asher needed to go back on the oxygen for a few more weeks to help him prosper some more. With him having such little fluid in me for 7 weeks, his lungs were very underdeveloped. Then he got that infection early on. So, the oxygen will only help his lungs prosper some more. Again, it wasn't what I had hoped. It wasn't what I had planned. I only hoped he could breathe room air on his own, but God knows best, and I know He is working through Dr. Pyle to provide Asher with the best care. He then informed me that his plan is to have me breastfeed 5 times and have ready made formula 3 times to help him prosper and grow. Eventually the plan is to be pure breast milk.
As the nicu is swamped with God's beautiful miracles, Dr. Pyle didn't get to call me until this evening for his update. Those beautiful words hit my ear once more! He said he was looking into Sunday for Asher to go home. He had a dip in heart rate this past Sunday, which they call a Brady. When that happens, it pushes them 5 days back. However, God has blessed him so far this week with being brady free. So, as long as he continues to stay strong, his plan is to send Asher home on the low amount of oxygen until he is indeed ready to come off. It was a little scary to hear that, as he will be sent home on a monitor too. However, I trust in God's beautiful plan, and I know He would be right there with me to help me care for Asher! I look forward to the beautiful day when God blesses him with arriving home.....maybe Sunday!
So what do I hope you get out of this post? I pray that when things don't go as planned, you remember that God is guiding to you an even more beautiful plan. I pray that when things seems to take forever to happen, that you remember to be patient as God will let it happen at the most perfect timing. Our world is so fast paced, that it is often hard to be patient and hard to remember there is a reason why things may not be going as we had hoped. No matter how busy our world is, God is right here with us. He is writing our story. We got to trust in His plan, not ours. After all, His plans are so much more beautiful... just like this miraculous journey has been!
Dear Loving God, Thank You for the gifts of patience and timing. I trust fully in Your most perfect timing that Asher will be healed. I sing praises to you each day for holding Asher in Your healing and loving arms. You keep him strong! I pray You may continue to prosper him. I pray in Your timing that he may be blessed off oxygen and grow in his feedings. I pray You may bless him during his car seat test coming again soon. I thank You for reminding me the importance of being patient. I pray that when Your perfect timing comes, that You may continue to be right there with us at home to care for Asher in the best possible way. I pray that You keep us all healthy to help Asher stay strong. You are a beautiful and merciful God who I love above all things! Amen.
You are all so powerful! Your endless prayers are constantly surrounding us, and we couldn't be more grateful. Thank you all for keeping us strong! May we continue to unite hand in hand with God, Josh, and all the Angels and Saints in this miraculous journey for our little Asher. God is so beautiful and all of you are so amazing! Asher is the strong little warrior he is because of God's great mercy and your powerful prayers!
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